It Ain't Over

One of the questions on my list was "what about the splotches near the site where I've been diagnosed with melanoma"?  (OK, the question just said "what about the splotches," but I felt I needed to elaborate).  I explained to the surgeon that my dermatologist had done a biopsy somewhere in that splotcy area over a year ago, and the results came back negative, but now the splotches were starting to look a bit scary.  He explained that the margin he would use in cutting out the cancer would include some of the splotcy area, and that the lab would be able to determine whether that area also had cancer.

So my surgery isn't done--he gave me a temporary stitch until Tuesday, when I have to go back in.  He said he should have the lab results back--probably with only a few hours to spare--but wanted to move quickly either way.  If the splotchy are also is cancerous, he will do more cutting; if it's not, he will stitch up the original wound.

But I didn't realize he was asking me to come back this Tuesday--3 days from now.  I had in my mind the "5-7 days" for the return visit, and assumed he was allowing a little more time.  It wasn't until the third time the date was mentioned that I indicated I thought he was talking about a week from Tuesday.

This matters because we were supposed to go to the beach this morning.  I didn't mention to the doctor that I was planning to be in a car for several hours less than a day after my surgery--I knew what he would say.  But having to go back in for surgery on Tuesday clearly threw a wrench into everything.

So we've been discussing as a family what to do about the beach.  For one thing, I don't feel well, although am getting slightly better.  For another, the would extends to one corner of my lip and covers a fairly large area of my cheek beyond that, and I can barely open my mouth.  The assistant had said not to eat anything like a burger for last night's meal.  I had trouble eating tuna fish and spaghetti.  Basically had to eat with my hands to shove the food into a small area.  And brushing and flossing my teeth was tough on the left side, where the would is.  If I open my mouth too much or too wide, I think it increases the bleeding.

The reality seems to have set in more for my husband and son, seeing me with a bandage over half my face.  My husband was confused about the whole Tuesday issue ("I thought it was supposed to be 5-7 days"); I had explained it, but explained it again.  I may have more cancer.  They may have to cut more.  I didn't mention the other thoughts that are in the back of my head--what if the splotchy stuff is melanoma, but not in situ?  And how much will he have to cut, since the splotches are spread out?  I'm trying not to think about that.  But it's there.

My son's having difficulty dealing with the uncertainty of the trip, but is trying to be adaptable.  And before he left this morning he said he loved me and hugged me--very long and very tightly.