Singing Blues

I listened to my singing voice on a recorder--was shocked at how it sounded--not a voice I would want to hear.  Too much vibrato, not a pleasant sound.  I was hoping it was the recording device, so I switched to Audacity--same result.  No, not professional quality, but I'm guessing Linda Ronstadt would still sound good.  Made me rethink my plans to join a folk singing group.

And I struggle with attitude at church choir.  I woman has recently joined (rejoined, apparently) the choir temporarily while she waits for unrest to subside in the country where she's been working.  She has taken "my spot" in the front row--I fended her off initially by getting there early, but since I haven't been there in a few weeks she has firmly established herself in the front row and crowded me out to the second row.  The irony is that she complained to a (longstanding member) woman who had taken "her spot" in the front row.  I overheard her say "I prefer to be in the same spot..."  Yet she never asked whether she was taking anyone's spot when she joined in (OK, interloped).  But the real resentment on my part is that she has a big voice and I don't.  So I'm crowded out vocally as well, which isn't hard to do.  Let's call her Brunnhilde.

I'm trying to develop a more even, yogic approach--doesn't work to control the anger, so I tried to find positives.  I could hear myself better in the second row, and sat next to an older lady who readily voices her opinions--which can be amusing.  My real issue with sitting in the second row is that one of the singers pretty consistently sings flat, which aggravates me--but she wasn't there yesterday.

Fact is, my voice is small and wears out quickly.  So I can't compete with Brunnhilde.  But I do have a good ear (absolute pitch) and sight read notes extremely well (rhythms a bit more difficult).  At rehearsal after church I sat away from Brunnhilde (so I could hear myself and sort of hold my own if she made a mistake).  In fact, I sat apart from everyone.  But I noticed one woman looking at me as we sight read.  She finally asked to sit next to me so I could help her.  Made me feel good.

I haven't done my vocal exercises since I listened to my recorded voice.  I will start again tomorrow (I prefer to do them when the family's not around, and today's a holiday.)  And I will go back to doing the breath control exercises I had been doing, to try to strengthen my voice.

We had one of our monthly yoga training sessions this past weekend, and did some pranayama (breath work).  That helped remind me how useful breathing exercises can be, and note the similarities between yoga breathing techniques and singing techniques.  There are some differences, but I gravitate toward, and seek out, the similarities when I do comparisons.