It occurred to me that what I want for him is resilience. I used to pray (and still do) that nothing bad will happen to him; what I really want is for some good things to happen. But bad things will happen; or good things won't happen. No guarantee that things will work out. So he needs to be tough and strong--resilient. Not sure how one gains that, if it's not somehow innate--some people just seem to be stronger and tougher than others. This is not a world for the fragile. Those who are fragile need to protect themselves as best they can--avoiding obvious risks, staying close to home figuratively if not actually. Not how I chose to lead my early life, even though I have fragile elements--I sought out new situations and environments to help me feel more independent. Maybe more than I should have--I focused much more on doing things than forging and fostering relationships. So now at this stage of my life I'm trying to stay closer to home, even though I'm still taking risks--like switching from being a full-time executive to part-time yoga instructor. But I am going slowly with the yoga teaching; I've had my teaching certificate for 1 1/2 years and only now am teaching on a regular basis, 2 times a week. I'd like to teach one more class each week, especially since the specialized Saturday teaching isn't viable in the long run. But I'm trying not to jump into anything; seeing what opportunities come my way. And I'm still hoping for some consulting work, but not counting on it.
I don't know where my resilience comes from. I know the only way to help him develop resilience is to step back, to step away. To not lean in.
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