My 20-minute meditations continue to be a chore--something I almost dread. Not exactly what I'm supposed to be saying, right? But I can't be the only person whose mind gets more, rather than less, active. Because it has nothing else to do except sit there, so it wanders all over the place. Today I decided to try to keep track of the kinds of thoughts that go through my head in 20 minutes. Again, not what I''m supposed to be striving for...Some decent portion of the time, I'm trying to decide how much time has elapsed. I try to wait to open my eyes and look at the clock until I think it's close to 20 minutes. I've only once hit it at exactly 20 minutes--the worst I've done recently was 8 minutes off. More frequently, I'm 4-5 minutes short when I take my first peek. Then I end up looking about 4 more times before I reach 20 minutes. So anyway, in addition to wondering fairly frequently how much time has elapsed, and whether it's anywhere close to 20 minutes so I can stop, I also fretted over Michigan having no defense, and Denard Robinson carrying too heavy a load, and now that they'll have to face strong teams he may get injured and one guy can't possibly score enough points to make up for a nonexistent defense. I guess that's because it's Monday and the Saturday games are fresh in my mind. And wondering if my foot will fall asleep before I reach 20 minutes and maybe I should switch the cross of my legs. And trying to adjust so I'm sitting up straight, but not focusing too much on that because it could take away from the meditation. And keeping my throat and neck soft, because that helps with singing. And every once in a while I hear me saying my mantra. Then the worries and concerns about my son--and then trying to suppress them.
Are my 20 minutes up yet?
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