watching trigger finger surgery on the Internet....

...was not a good idea!  I had hoped the video would just describe the surgery without showing it, but no such luck.  The video was 4 minutes, so it didn't show every second, but it was more than enough.  I watched a little, hoping when the doctor showed where he would cut the hand that he wouldn't really cut the hand...and it got more graphic from there.  I had to look away part of the time; got queasy when they pulled the tendon out so they could test the movement of the finger.  But it is pretty short and simple surgery--supposed to take 20-25 min.  Mine's scheduled for Monday; even with minor surgery I'll be at the hospital all afternoon.  Looks like I'll have a regional block (numbed left arm and hand) with IV sedation--so I'll be out during the surgery, but should wake up fairly quickly.

On to another ailment, I read up more on gracilis syndrome.  The gracilis muscle runs along the inside edge of the leg, and attaches to the pelvis.  According to an article I found on the web, this muscle allows the hip to move across the body.  I'm not sure how the orthopedist decided that was my problem, since it's my quad muscle that hurts.  He pulled my leg different ways; it did hurt most toward the top of my leg.  So the exercises he's having me do are supposed to help with range of motion, and are different from quad strengthening exercises.  But the bicycling helps with that; not sure whether it also helps with gracilis syndrome.

Another setback...

I've sustained more injuries in the 7 months that I've been out of work than in the past several years, it seems.  I'm doing a lot more physical activity--gardening, yoga, walking--things I've been doing, but now spending significantly more time at each.  But the latest injury--a strained quad muscle--is an indirect result of my increased focus on volunteer activities.  I played in a kickball fundraiser a few weeks ago, and ran a lot--mostly running after balls that had gone over my head and kept rolling...and rolling.  And occasionally running bases.  I hadn't sprinted like that in a long time ("probably 20 years," my husband said helpfully).  Unlike a couple of other players on my team, who pulled muscles and limped off the field the first time they ran a base, I didn't feel anything that day.  (Note to self:  what was I thinking, having most of the team be people over 50?  Another reminder that it's not as easy to get physical as it used to be; that we're getting old.  I knew I wouldn't be very good at kickball, not having played since grade school, but I thought I was in good enough physical shape to handle a couple of games.

The next day I noticed that my quad was sore when I made certain movements, or tried to run.  But I could walk without pain, so I figured it was minor.  Maybe it was, but I guess I didn't take care of it over the next couple of weeks.  At the beach last week, the undertow was pretty strong for the first few days, and when I tried to wade into the water the undertow would pull on my leg muscle and make it hard for me to walk.  So I couldn't go in very far, and had to get out when my muscle would start to ache.  Only the last day was I able to get out far enough to float and swim, because the undertow had finally died down.  If I had turned around and seen the robburglar stealing my beach bag, I would have pulled the muscle trying to run after them.  Probably would have been more frustrating than not having seen it.  But then I could have yelled "stop thief" and seen if anyone did anything.  Oh, well.

Then this past Sunday, a day after we returned from the beach, I went to kneel in church and felt the muscle pull and possibly tear.  I couldn't walk without pain, so I knew I needed to find out what to do.  I had a doctor's appointment scheduled the next day, for my trigger finger, so I figured I could use that appointment to have the orthopedist look at my leg.  But in the meantime, I googled on "treatment for sprained quad".  Or as google stated, "did you mean strained quad"?   Guess so.  Anyway, a sports medicine site (About.com:  Sports Medicine) cited the R.I.C.E. treatment--rest, ice, compression and elevation.  I spent the rest of the day using that approach (if you ice and elevate you have to rest, because you can't move--and I put an ace bandage around my leg for the compression).  Seems like it helped, because my leg wasn't as swollen the next day.

The doctor confirmed that I had a strained (and probably torn) quad, and said it would take 2 weeks to heal.  Probably would have healed the first time in 2 weeks if I'd taken better care of it.  He gave me several exercises to do--the sheet says it's range of motion and strengthening for gracilis syndrome.  I looked up gracilis syndrome and still don't know what it is--sounds like something more related to hip or groin.   And he said I should use a stationary bike 20-30 minutes at least every other day.  Basically, he said I should bike as much as I can tolerate.  So far I've done it twice and find that it's my butt that can't tolerate it very well--I need a day off in between to rest my sore butt.  I asked about yoga and walking--he said I shouldn't do yoga for a week, and be very careful after that.  And he said walking was OK, but that I shouldn't take long strides.  So walking the dog is out.  He said I didn't need to do ice/compression--I think those only work initially to keep swelling down.

The major pull occurred on Sunday, so this is day 3 of treatment.  I'm limiting what I do pretty severely, so this will hopefully fully heal.  My plan is to update my resume, add to my LinkedIn profile, sign up for a job search engine.  And then I still need to practice voiceover recording.  And I just signed up for yoga teacher training, which I'll do over the next year.  Started reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (I told you I was behind in my reading), but didn't get very far...

I wuz robburgled...

We go to Virginia Beach every year, and I've never worried about leaving my stuff on the beach.  But I did a number of things that, in retrospect, made my more susceptible to a robbery.  What is it called, anyway--it's supposed to be a robbery when you're held up, and a burglary when it's in your home and your not there at the time of the break in.  So what's it called when you leave your bag on the beach unattended and come back to find it gone?  Guess I was robburgled.

I had decided to go the the beach in the morning, after my free "yoga on the beach" class--I was tired of getting out there at 4 or 5pm with the family.  The guys didn't want to go that early; I thought it would be nice to have some "alone time".  So here are my missteps:

- going by myself (an easier target), at a time when the beach wasn't very crowded
- finding a spot on the perimeter (as the policeman called it)
- not having others nearby, and not being near (enough) to the lifeguard
- taking my droid and using it
- packing other valuable stuff, especially a good watch.

And of course, leaving it unattended for maybe 10-15 minutes while I hung out at the shore lien.

I pride myself on being street smart, but didn't think I had to be.  I actually think someone was probably watching me, and saw the above--I was easy prey.  It' was so disorienting when I went back to my towel.  Because my towel and sandals were there, but not my striped beach bag.  I first looked around, thinking someone nearby had it--maybe it blew off the towel.  Not likely.  Maybe my son and husband had stopped by and taken it.  No, why would they do that?  Please tell me it wasn't stolen--I had not just my droid and watch, but my (very expensive) prescription glasses and clipons; my nearly brand new Lululemon yoga pants (serves me right for buying $90 yoga pants, I thought); a beach hat I had just bought; an East Coast Surfing Championship t shirt from some years back that's probably no longer available.  Oh, and my Eat, Pray, Love book that I had just purchased and begun to read (yes, I'm a couple of years behind in my reading).

I went to the lifeguard to tell him that I thought my stuff had been stolen, and he called the police.  I heard them ask if I had the right location.  I wish that were the case--but since my towel and shoes were still there, I knew I was in the spot where I also had left the bag.  As I was waiting for the police to show up, I looked around in a few trash bins, hoping the robburglar(s) had tossed the bag pretty quickly.  I'm thinking it's more likely they stuffed it in another bag and walked off, so my bag wouldn't be visible, and then went somewhere else to rummage through it and toss the bag.  At least that's how I would do it--walk, don't run, and hide the bag as fast as possible.  So if no one sees you pick up the bag, they won't suspect anything.  Then walk away.

Took the beach police maybe 10-15 minutes to get there (via bicycle).  The policeman said such thefts happen all the time--especially when the beach is less crowded, and the bag is unattended and on the perimemter of the area where people are sitting.  So the action would be behind them.  He suggested I continue looking in the trash bins on the beach, and said they would look along the boardwalk.  As I was talking to him my husband and son came by, so they helped me look through trash bins maybe 1/4 mile around the area of the theft.

I had thought about wearing the hat, my glasses, and my watch to the shoreline, since I wasn't planning to go in the water.  But I didn't--can I please have that decision back?  Other than feeling stupid, I was most upset about losing my glasses.  But I kept my composure throughout, and didn't complain--my son is so sensitive, I didn't want to upset him.  And I kept telling myself I lost only material things.  Although we all lost our naivete about life at the beach.  My son wanted to make sure we didn't put our stuff near the perimeter when we went to the beach a day and a half later (rain had intervened), and I made sure I didn't take anything valuable--anything left, that is.  I never take much on vacations.

I kept hoping we or someone would find the bag, or that I'd see someone with it and confront them (they'd have to be pretty stupid to carry the striped bag around, wouldn't they).  But we didn't.  So I spent 2 1/2 days not being able to see--but rarely mentioned it.  I did get a new droid out of it--and was able to get the droid2, which just came out on Aug. 10.  And with an upgrade deal and coupon, we paid $100 instead of $300.  The new droid has improved on some aspects of the original droid--especially the pullout keyboard, which is not as wide and thus easier to use.

We went to see The Expendables, which is the kind of movie where not having glasses for distance doesn't matter--everything was bombastic (literally), and I could tell the characters apart well enough.  And when I couldn't, it didn't seem to matter.  I knew it was the kind of movie where the (relatively) good guys would win, and none of them would be killed.  So they can do a sequel.

I'm wearing my old glasses now, while waiting for my replacement lenses.  They gave me a 20% discount, because I had just bought the glasses in May.  But they were still expensive...

Sandwiched

I don't write on the blog about some family issues, to protect others' privacy.  Suffice it to say I'm caught in the sandwich--with a mom who's declining and a family member who's quite ill.  My mom's situation is I'm sure, common to a lot of people.  The court took away her driver's license this past spring as a result of a bizarre auto incident (we'll probably never know what happened--her and the police's versions are vastly different).  None of us kids live anywhere near her, so it's been a struggle to figure out what to do.  Fortunately, we have a cousin who lives in the same town and has been willing to take my mom out at least a few times a week--for groceries, banking, and health club.  My mom thinks that's a fine arrangement and doesn't want to move.  But we all feel guilty having the burden fall on our cousin--that's not a long term solution.  But the alternative--having my mom move to a continuing care retirement community (CCRC) is quite expensive.  Now I know why people want to age at home.  But with my mom's lack of (auto)mobility, the situation is quite difficult.  There don't appear to be transportation options available to her--when I tried to contact the locat (columbus, ohio) agency on agency for transportation information, I got no response.  So we're basically in limbo, trying to figure out what to do.  My brother would like her to move to his city (in Texas), but she doesn't want to move.  And I know she doesn't want to pay for a CCRC--she's quite frugal.

Meanwhile, I worry about another family member's condition and long-term prospects.  And I feel guilty about not making any money, although I'm trying to position myself to do so.  But the voiceover field is quite overwhelming, and I'm trying to avoid spending money on approaches that may not pan out.  Such as the website that posts auditions, but you have to pay to gain access to the audition info.  Comments I've seen on the web suggest that people break even, at best, in paying to get audition info.  And that's from people who have some experience.  But I'm not giving up--I'm just trying to be realistic.

Being reminded of these circumstances makes it hard to stay positive.  My approach has been to try to crowd out negative thoughts--but sometimes they can overwhelm.

Acne Subsides, Trigger Finger Returns

Well, the acne on my chin is subsiding--I tried a number of products out of desperation.  I used Zeno (the Zit Zapper), which I find is good if you have a few large postules.  But for the number I had, it can be tedious--2 1/2 minutes per zit.    Proactiv Repairing Lotion was a bit too strong for me, but did work to reduce the widespread outbreak.  So I switched to using Proactiv's Refining Mask, which is milder than the Repairing Lotion--the active ingredient is sulphur, not benzoyl peroxide.  And I increased the application of Azelex cream from 1x to 2x per day.  I think my dermatologist had me using it once a day because I was using it as an anti-aging, rather than acne, cream.  But with the severe outbreak on my chin, I now am using it as anti-acne.  And since they advise not mixing products, I'm not using the Proactiv Repairing Lotion.  But I will if the acne comes back--it's much more irritating, but more effective, than the Azelex.  But I'm hoping the Azelex will prevent new outbreaks, as long as I stay away from the facial exercises that involved touching/massaging the jaw and chin areas.  I also go lighter on the Cerave moisturizer.  But I still need to use an SPF lotion of at least 30; I don't think that's causing outbreaks, but my face is definitely oilier when I use it.  I'm currently using Blue Lizard 30+ sunscreen for sensitive skin.  It has only natural ingredients--zinc oxide and titanium dioxide--which I think is better for my face.  I don't think it causes breakouts, but we'll see.  I use Lancome Renergie Lift makeup, which is FPS 20--OK I think if I'm not going to be doing much outside.  But sun seems to be such a big contributor to aging that I'm trying to be more careful to use stronger (30+) sunscreens if I'm going to be out--which is most days.  Between walking the dog and walking to yoga, I think that's too much for SPF 20.  Cosmetics companies should come up with 30+ makeup so we don't have to add sunscreens.  Just one more layer on the skin that might cause trouble.  Don't care what they say about noncomedogenic--creams and lotions on the face can lad to oiliness, which can lead to breakouts.

It's such a challenge, trying to slow the skin aging while combating acne...I wonder how many other women in their late 50s have this problem?  Makes anti-aging regimes and strategies so much more complicated.  Trying to be more aggressive--using facial massage techniques and facial oil--apparently led to the acne outbreak.  I had started to think I was past that.  The positive side is that I'm less tempted by fancy new products and procedures--they're more likely to mess up my skin than to help it.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Another aging challenge--trigger finger--reared its ugly head--OK, finger, again.  I had a steroid shot a few months ago (see 3/25 post) when my trigger finger locked up, and I wasn't able to unlock it as I had done previously.  Similar problem today, again the result of our unruly dog.  I was sitting with her on the lawn and was holding her leash--in my right hand, to avoid further damage to my left hand (which has not only the trigger but also a jammed finger).  She tried to lunge at a dog, and I had to grab the leash with both hands to keep her back.  My left middle finger immediately locked and would not unlock.  I recalled my finger being stuck for several hours the first time this happened in March, so I asked my son to check the web for tips on what to do.  Not too helpful--said to unlock the finger with the other hand--but that didn't work in these cases.  I know I need a 2nd steroid shot, but since it's Sunday, I won't be able to get one until tomorrow.  (Everything that should get immediate medical attention always happens on the weekend.)   The few remedies listed were--soak in warm water, take ibuprofen or naproxen, and massage the tendon at the base of the finger.  I did all three--nothing worked, at least not right away.  About 1 1/2 hours later, the finger released on its own.  I was massaging the tendon and had taken 2 Alleves, so maybe those ultimately helped.  But it's a very uncomfortable and scary situation.  I suspect I will need surgery, but will go ahead with the 2nd shot, since that's what the orthopedist will recommend.
Aargh!

Meditating and Meniere's Disease

I'm not sure that meditating right after I get up in the morning is working.  Although I haven't had a vertigo attack in several years, my Meniere's disease does cause other problems.  I have trouble walking when I first get up--I stagger as a result of inner ear problems.  Sitting up in a lotus-like position right after I've gotten out of bed is difficult--this morning I felt a bit queasy.  Also doing this on an empty stomach is tough.  Ever since I developed Meniere's, I've noticed that if I haven't eaten in a while I start to feel dizzy.  While this may be common to others, it makes me nervous, because I'm afraid it's a precursor to a vertigo attack.  The attacks, when I was having them, were brutal--it would take several days for me to recover, and just when I was starting to feel better I would have another attack.   So it's always in the back of my mind that the vertigo attacks could recur.  They disappeared almost as mysteriously as they emerged--which means they could return at any time.

And I didn't feel well for a few hours--could it have been the acupuncture?  Who knows?  I did manage to make it to my fourth yoga class this week.  Seems like that's too much for me.  I think I've developed Downward Dog Shoulder...just like the recent NYT article, which noted that yoga-related injuries were on the rise.

I still haven't turned in my yoga teacher training application--the training is pricey, and I haven't yet broached this topic with my husband.  I worry about spending money, now that I'm not employed.  But then I always felt like we didn't have enough money when I was working.  My pitch will be that one has to spend money to earn money--I need the certificate in order to teach yoga.  I have to say something to him, because the first payment is due next week.

Acupuncture

I had my first (and only?) acupuncture session today, as part of a summer yoga package. I looked up acupuncture on About.com; here's what it says:

According to the NIH Consensus Statement on Acupuncture, there have been many studies on acupuncture's potential usefulness, but results have been mixed because of complexities with study design and size, as well as difficulties with choosing and using placebos or sham acupuncture. However, promising results have emerged, showing efficacy of acupuncture, for example, in adult postoperative and chemotherapy nausea and vomiting and in postoperative dental pain. There are other situations--such as addiction, stroke rehabilitation, headache, menstrual cramps, tennis elbow, fibromyalgia, myofascial pain, osteoarthritis, low-back pain, carpal tunnel syndrome, and asthma--in which acupuncture may be useful as an adjunct treatment or an acceptable alternative or be included in a comprehensive management program.

But the only physical symptom I currently have is a somewhat sore right shoulder/rotator cuff.  The acupuncturist did stick some needles in my shoulder and leave them there, but she mainly did a general condition type of treatment, where she stuck pins in and pulled them out.  She said she selected the pinpoints based on my type, which she said was water.  Not sure what type I am; seems like I exhibit aspects of all 5 elements (wood, earth, metal, fire, water).

I don't think my shoulder feels any better; but then, it didn't hurt that much to begin with.  As for whether I'm more balanced as a result of one treatment--not sure.

I can see using acupuncture for a medical condition that defies other treatments.  Since I have Meniere's disease, I briefly looked for information on Meniere's and acupuncture.  According to some information posted to the Meniere's Disease Help Blog, results are mixed and often short term.  I haven't had a vertigo attack since Dec. '06, so I can't test that out.  I do have hearing loss in my right ear, but it goes in and out--so would be tough to isolate any possible effects from acupuncture.  And while I also have tinnitus (the third Meniere's symptom), I only hear the noise when everything else is quiet.  And that's hardly ever in this world.

At $85 per hour session, this isn't something I can afford.  Especially for a more general "tune up" (they don't call it that).  One does feel the pins, in some locations more than others--I'm getting a bit queasy just writing about it.  So it's not like it felt good, or therapeutic, while I was undergoing the treatment.  In a way I didn't feel like I got my money's worth (although it was part of a package, and thus felt like it was free), because she didn't stick in that many pins.  But I wouldn't have wanted a whole hour of pin-sticking... I'd rather have a massge.

When to Meditate

I'm having trouble meditating every day--as I've had in the past when I've tried to meditate on a daily basis. I find if I don't meditate fairly early in the day, I just don't do it. Doesn't seem like setting aside 20 minutes would be that hard, but it is. Because it means finding a time when there won't be any disruptions, or other things to do.

So I've been trying to figure out when's the best time to meditate. Turning to the web, I found three related posts--one from '09, '07 and '93. The '93 post, written by Jeffrey Chance, was a short primer on meditation ("Meditation FAQ"). Meditating is supposed to get easier over time, and as he puts it, "over time, the number of random thoughts occurring diminishes". Not so for me thus far--I seem to have more thoughts.

According to Chance, "most people agree that early morning is the best time to meditate". But he, and the others who've written about meditation, point out that it can be done any time during the day. Early morning seems to work best because households usually are more peaceful, and daily obligations haven't yet kicked in. He also says it's best to meditate before, rather than after, a meal--but doesn't say why. Other tips: meditate at the same time every day in a quiet spot reserved for meditation, and with a straight spine.

That's another issue for me--I'm getting better at being able to sit cross-legged for 20 minutes, but often one leg goes to sleep, and/or my neck and/or back starts to hurt. Maybe that also will get better over time.

So I guess I'll try meditating first thing in the morning. I'm usually up around 5am...or 5:30...OK, 6 if I forget to set the alarm...but my routine has been to drink coffee and read the papers (WSJ and WaPo). And then have breakfast. And then decide to meditate. Then there were the handful of days where I decided I was going to walk every day at 6;30 (or 7) am...

So if I can discipline myself enough to meditate right after I get up (will violate the rule of meditating in a separate place, because my husband will be watching TV near by normal yoga/meditation spot), then I could still walk before it gets too hot. Unless I decide not to.

All this self-discipline--hard for me to stick with it. As evidenced by my blog. But see, I'm starting to write on a daily basis--right after lunch seems to be a good time.

Not to mention my vocal exercises, which I'm trying to do each day.

It's so much easier when I had a job and had built in obligations. But they often end up being artificial--one feels like one's accomplishing something when the calendar is full, but that may or may not be the case. Now I have to create my own meaning and purpose. And find my voice.

Yoga Instructor Training

I finally filled out my application for a local yoga teacher training program. I'm interested in focusing on yoga as a tool to help reduce stress, anxiety and depression. I'm looking forward to learning more about yoga philosophies and techniques--fits my pattern of always needing to learn something new.

I realized the other day that my areas of focus--yoga, voiceover acting, and singing--all rely on fitness. Not sure whether it's the wisest course of action for someone in her late 50's--with an aging voice and body. i've noticed that I'm feeling more pain and soreness with all the exercise I've been doing, for example. I hope I hold up in my efforts to be gainfully employed in areas that require physical and/or vocal stamina.

So maybe it would have been better if I had pursued these 20 years ago. But then I wouldn't have had the the career (or pension) that I had.