Kate McGarrigle

I'm surprised I never heard of her--I saw an article about her in last Sunday's NYT Magazine (in memorium--she died in Jan. 2010).  I went on YouTube and listened to different versions of Heart Like a Wheel (Kate and Anna; Linda Ronstadt with Kate and Anna) and to Mendicino (with her children Martha and Rufus Wainwright).  Beautiful, thin voices sounding very much in the old Appalachian folk music tradition (Scotch/Irish)?  She's from Montreal, but reminds me of some of the voices from Nova Scotia.)  I couldn't stop listening--this is what I love about YouTube--one song leads to another.  I'd like to get the first album she did with her sister; I want to hear more songs from it first.

And then the family connections I explored by googling--her ex-husband Loudon Wainwright III, whom I've heard of but whose music I don't really know; Rufus and Martha and Lucy Wainwright Roche.  Loudon III's bio said his mother was a yoga teacher--given that he was born in '46, that must have been quite unique.  Made me think about my son being able to tell people that I'm a yoga instructor.  I think it sounds better than "former government executive".

I could listen (and sing) to music all day long.  But I've never been able to settle on a vocal style--my voice has too many problems with each style.  So I've probably messed it up more by trying to move from folk to pop to art songs to opera and back again. And I can't let go--I still want to figure out how to sing well consistently.  Something that has eluded me since late grade school.  A saga in itself.

I was shocked...

...to see the changes at Talbots--at least the store at Tysons Corner.  I'm not sure when the last time was that I was there, but it had changed so completely--it now reminds me of an Ann Taylor Loft store without the reasonable prices.  I really was stunned.  Armed with a gift card, I had expected to find a number of items on sale that I would like--as I had last year.  But I only saw a few items that I liked, and neither was on sale, so they were expensive.  I cashmere sweater cost about $250, and they said it wasn't on sale.  I checked on the Talbots web site when I got home, and found what I think is the same sweater on sale for about $187--a bit better.  So I'm going back tomorrow, this time to the Pentagon City store, and see if I can find that same sweater on sale.  I printed out the sale info from the Internet.

I don't know whom they're trying to appeal to at this point.  Sure seems like they've lost their way.

I ache...

I take health for granted, so being felled by back and leg aches is very difficult.  Also very difficult to stay positive when it hurts this much.  So instead of yoga helping me stay healthy, I've been plagued by physical problems.  I can't believe how much has happened this past year--seems like the worst started with tearing my right quad.  I'm not sure it ever healed properly; my right thigh, hip and lower back currently ache constantly.  What may have done it yesterday was the amount of time I spent doing balance (one legged poses).  I do vrksasana (tree pose) with variations,  virabhadrasana III (warrior III), and ardha chandrasana II (half moon).  Plus the usual--sun salutation, virabhadrasana I and II.  Ot maybe it was when I sat in the beginning pose of seated forward fold--maybe I pulled my leg.  Whatever it was, it's been a tough day.

I'm injured...

It's so frustrating.  A week ago I decorated the tree and then shoveled snow.  The combination of activities led to aches in my lower back and right leg.  I've been uncomfortable ever since.  I thought yoga would help me stay healthy, but I've had more injuries this past year than I think I've had my entire life.  So is it too much yoga, aging, too much yoga and aging?  The only position I've found that relieves the pain is a yoga pose called legs up the wall.  I love that pose anyway--I actually crave it many days.

It's also possible that my pulled/torn right quad has never healed, and the snow shoveling in particular may have exacerbated the injury.  My back no longer hurts, but I do still feel pain in my right leg and hip.

But i've also been doing a lot more physically this past year, and recently.  I spent nearly a week cleaning out my mom's house, and did much of the heavy lifting.  I know I should be more careful with my back, but I feel a need to do things, to be physically active.  Especially with less of my time programmed.

Buying a TV

The info is so confusing--I think I've narrowed it down to a 46" LED flat panel without CD--we don't watch CD movies; we're not going to watch CD TV.  But then there's Internet ready (?).  Even trying to get the best price--you have to know the exact model for comparison, and then different stores different model number where the differences between the models isn't clear.  What's the difference between the Samsung 46" LED 6300 vs 6500 (that warrants a $200 price difference).   The 6500 has something called "2010 Internet content service".  What is that?  I don't think the store I went to--Belmont TV--had the 6500, just the 6300.  And the guy there told me plasmas don't come in sizes under 50", which turns out not to be true.  But then the Big Screen TV store doesn't post prices on line like Belmont and HHGreg do, so I can't price compare with them.  And then there are the armoires--not one but two.  We never imagined they wold become obsolete.  I tried to sell them at Upscale Resale, but they emailed me with this message:   "Unfortunately, we cannot accept this item for consignment.  As much as we would like to be of service, this style of furniture just doesn’t sell well in this environment."  Translation, which I gleaned from reviewing a bund of articles from 2008 about what to do with obsolete TV armoires:  no one will buy these dinosaurs--it will cost us more to pick them up and display them than we'll get from resale.

So we're keeping the armoires--we'll continue to use the one in the basement for our (old style) TV, and move the one from the family room to our basement yoga/workout room.  How we'll get it down there is another story--we'll have to take it out the front door (won't go down curved basement steps) and through the garage into the basement.  That reminds me--I'll check to see if RentalWorks rents furniture dollies--that might help.  I've cleaned out both armoires and moved all the game systems to the armoire downstairs (to my son's chagrin, even though he hasn't touched them in years).  Hence the dust and the wheezing and sneezing.  But I can't move the armoire by myself, or I would.  I'll just store a bunch of stuff in it that's currently lying on the basement floor--games and legos.

This (before Christmas) is supposed to be a good time of year to buy a TV, or I wouldn't be pursing this. Prices are supposed to go up some time after the first of the year.  So much easier if I could do all of this myself...but everything's too heavy.

Hard to get (re) started

Not sure why I stopped blogging--maybe it was all the turmoil surrounding my Mom's move.  But it is very difficult to get (re)started--I've been thinking about it for days.  I was surprised to realize I hadn't blogged since early Nov.  So much has happened--we sold my Mom's house and she has moved close to my brother.  I keep getting sick--not sure whether it's dust allergies or the weather or both or neither.  I had a feder yesterday--the thermometer turns red and beeps loudly to announce 100.3.  I slept much of the day and feel somewhat better, but as soon as I do I overdo the activity and get more congested.  I think it started with having to clean out my mom's house--done in two separate trips for a total of about a week's time.  So much dust kicked up.  And then I helped organize the music at church--maybe more dust.  And we're talking about getting a flat-screen TV for our family room--an adventure in itself--so I was cleaning out the now-obsolete armoires to get ready for the change.  Lots more dust.  Even though I still have the house cleaned every 2 weeks, they obviously don't dust behind the TVs.  And I didn't pay much attention, especially in the basement.  So I'm thinking I should skip yoga today and try to take it easy.  So much to do, so worn out...

Not working (for pay) is hard...

I had an opportunity to join a small non-profit organization--happened very quickly.  I had thought it would part time; thought that might tide me over until I'm able to make some money teaching yoga and/or doing voice acting work.  But the job would be full time, at pay that's pretty standard for nonprofits, which means not much.  I feel guilty not taking work with so many people out of a job, but I said I wouldn't go back to an office environment.  Especially full time.  And with much less flexibility than I had in my previous job.

But this event does show that I'm still grappling with my new life.  Right now I'm doing everything on a volunteer basis.  I'm still torn between wanting to leave my past work life behind and clinging to it as a possible way to earn some money.  I feel pulled in many directions, with many emotions.  Sometimes I'm comfortable volunteering and studying, other times I'm restless and want to be occupied with something outside the home--that pays.

So if I take the full time job, I'd be less able to teach or voice act, if something comes along.  Like I'd given up on my dream.  But it is scary.

What do you wear to an Open Call

Here I am, trying to forge a new life as a voice actor/yoga instructor/volunteer.  So what do I wear now?  I knew that I would be put "on camera" at the talent agency "open call to obtain representation."  So I fretted over what to wear.  I didn't want to look either too casual or too businesslike.  But I also didn't want to buy anything new.  Although I almost succumbed on that one--I wanted to buy a new tote that would be suitable for a voice actor.  Not that I know what that is.  I first was going to take my University of Michigan tote bag (big block M), but thought that was too casual.  I certainly wasn't going to take one of the bags we use for the beach.  But my work bag seemed a little too conservative.  The more I thought about it, though, it seemed OK.  It's a Brahmin with pockets and zippers.  A little narrow and stiff, but I couldn't find anything that popped out to me that wasn't expensive.  If I felt like I had the money I probably would have bought a Coach tote.  But (for once) I didn't go to the mall, and stuck with my work Brahmin.  For now.  I told myself I'd look at what other women were using to carry around scripts/water/snacks/pencils--the stuff one needs for voice acting.  Then I'd buy one after I started getting voice acting jobs.

I first thought about wearing a flowy skirt with sweater, but since it was raining, I went with a Talbots mix and match--soft red sweater, white rib top, skinny soft navy pants.  I looked awfully business casual-y, so I threw on a scarf I really like but have never figured out how to wear.  In fact I picked out the colors of the outfit to go with the scarf, not the other way around.  I practiced different kinds of draping, which I don't know how to do.  How do those French women do it?  I put on a string of pearls, but that didn't seem to fit with a drapey scarf.  I ended up just wearing it hanging down--I couldn't figure out how to tie it loosely like I seen older French women do in photos.  I felt different, with the scarf--more artsy and flowy.  So I told myself I'd buy more once I started getting paid for voice acting.  (See a trend here?)

I figure I'll wear some drapey scarf to the (former workplace-sponsored) holiday parties--to show my different new life.  I never wore scarves at work, because I figured I'd get them dirty/spill coffee on them/get them caught in something.   I didn't feel I could pull it off.  I think I could, now.

The other woman who showed up for the "open call" around the time I did looked more businessline than I did--dark tailored clothes, business-type bag.  I tried not to stare at her, lest she think I was eyeing the competition.  Maybe she didn't know what she was doing, either, so I decided not to go by her example.  Maybe she was like me--looking for a new way.

I Hate the Wall Street Journal...

There's a concept in yoga--actually, there are many concepts in yoga, all of which seem to have at least three components.  Yoga has eight limbs; each limb has multple what--branches?  Then there are five classes of chitta vritti which create pleasure and pain.  Chitta vritti isn't one of the eight limbs; I'm not sure what it is.  And five causes of chitta vritti create pain.  Yes, the both have five, but they're different.  I got this from attempting to read the intro in  BKS Iyengar's Light on Yoga.  It may be the most confusing 35 pages I've ever read.  He has a newer edition of the book with a new introduction, but i bought the original because it was cheaper.  So I don't know if it's any less confusing.

Anyway, one of the five causes of chitta vritti creating pain is avidya, which is "expressed and experienced in four different ways..." (of couse) (according to TKV Desikachar in his book, The Heart of Yoga).  One of the four forms of avidya is raga, or "the desire to have something whether we need it or not."  Or maybe I was thinking about the first limb of yoga--yama (ethical disciplines, according to Iyengar).  Looks like yama has five something, a couple of which have to do with non-stealing/non-coveting.  As in, "...if he [the yogi] gathers things he does not really need, he is a thief."  (Iyengar, p. 34.)  And "...one should not hoard or collect things one does not require immediately."

Simplify; take only what you need.  I don't see anything about envy, but I'm sure it's embedded in these.  These concepts resonate with me and I aspire to them.  Until I read the Wall Street Journal, and I catch a glimpse of how rich people live.  I think of myself as well off--certainly compared to the people i encounter through my volunteer work, and compared with a lot of people in this country.  But I don't know any rich people, and I probably would have no idea how differently they live--if it weren't for the WSJ.

I read it because we get it--my husband's subscription, not mine.  It's much less business-y than it used to be, but with that comes a lot more articles about haute couture, wine, shoes, handbags--did I mention haute couture?   Take the WSJ Magazine that came with yesterday's paper.  The Oct/Nov magazine.  In it is an article about shearling coats.  They look nice--then I see that the prices range from $995 (looks like a sweatshirt) to $6,990.  And "there's no smarter way to put your best foot forward than in a leather oxford" ranging in price from a cheapo $$375 (company aptly named "Rag and Bone" to the John Lobb $1,290.  But it was really the "How to Buy" section that filled me with revision and secret envy.  How to buy...rare wines, vintage cars, estate jewelry, helicopters, HELICOPTERS???, the safest facelift, investment handbags--like the Kelly, as in Grace Kelly.  Who is/was Jane Birkin, anyway--seems like her biggest claim to fame is having a bag named after her.

Who are these people?  Reminds me of Stephen Colbert's segment "Colbert Platinum".  For members only; if you're not a member, leave the room now.  But of course I stay, and enjoy hearing very rich people made fun of.  One part revulsion, two parts envy?  I'd like to be able to say I can afford to buy a helicopter, I just choose not to...Not so sue about the facelift, or the handbags.

Am I Represented?

I have no idea how my "open call for representation" went today.  I don't even know if I'm represented, but I think I am.  The guy who interviewed my said they would "push my voice out there"  whatever that means.  Took me an hour and a half to get there--during the tail end of rush hour in the DC area.  But then again going anywhere across town can take an hour and a half any time of day.  I got to the agency about a half hour before the beginning of the "open call" hours--about what I had planned.  Fortunately someone was there--it's in a small building with only a few employees.  I had to use the bathroom really badly and I didn't see anywhere nearby.  Some quaint little shops--seemed like a nice part of the Baltimore environs--but no Starbucks or other kind of cafe where I could have stopped.

So I waited about 1/2 hour.  Only one other person--another woman--was waiting.  So I felt better than if 50 people had been milling around--"open call" can mean anything, can't it?  I came prepared with reading material (yoga books), so I didn't get nervous waiting.  I'm fine with waiting as long as I have something to do.  When I was invited in (I arrived first, so was the first person to be interviewed, the interviewer said he'd put me on camera and I could start my monologue, if I had prepared one.  Well, I hadn't, since all the email said was:  "we'll put you before the camera, and answer any questions you may have".  And since they tell you not to contact them, I didn't know they expected a prepared monologue.  So I asked him how much time he wanted me to speak--he said a couple of minutes--so I said I would talk about why I wanted to do voice over work.  I don't really get unnerved by not knowing what to expect--I actually kind of like it.  I have no idea how I did.  I felt pretty natural (although I heard a few "ums" when he played back the first part) and a few times I had a little trouble coming up with new descriptive words.  But the 2 mins. went by quickly and I wasn't nervous.

Then he sat down with me to talk about how they operate--they get calls for work and match people--but he really didn't give any indication what was in store for me.  He said a lot would depend on the demo.  I had mailed in a demo, head shot and resume a few months ago, but he didn't have any of that.  Almost like different portions of the business (which seems to consist of maybe 5 people) don't communicate with one another.  So it's not clear how they even contacted me for the "open call".

He made it sound like there was a steady stream of work, but who knows?  My session lasted about 1/2 hour--seemed like that's about what was alloted, since he signaled we were finished.  But it seemed like a good amount of time.  I got the impression from something he said that he may have been taping me as we were speaking--which is fine with me.  And anyway, I have no way of knowing how long the other two women's sessions were, or what he said to them.  I'm often better off not knowing too much.

When I left only one other woman had arrived.   Maybe they recently got a request for a woman to act or do voiceovers, so called a few of us in.  Who knows?

When I spoke with him, I told him I was just getting started--not my nature to embellish.  He suggested I not do that when I got work; which I wouldn't.  But I figured an agent should know what they've got.  I did talk about what I thought my strengths were (from a voice acting standpoint).  I just wasn't the mood to "sell" myself in a way that would have felt artificial to me.

He asked me how I would describe my voice--I answered by talking about the types of readings I liked the best--PSAs and children's books.  He said he thought I had a "practical" voice--as in "if it works for her, it should work for me."  Hmmm...my immediate thought was that I sounded boring.  So I started speaking with a liltier voice and said I thought I'd be good at PSAs (which I referred to as PSRs at one point--oops).

Took me 1 1/2 hours to get home--this time because it started pouring rain when I was on the beltway--the kind of rain where you can barely see in front of you.  And it didn't let up once it hit.

This is where doing multiple things comes in handy--I won't be waiting around for them to call. Or email.  Or whatever it is they do.

Electric Toothbrushing

I had been using an electric toothbrush--an Oral B--but got to the point where I couldn't easily find replacement brushes.  I bought the original electric toothbrush--my first ever--in Jan. 2003.  I know that because i was in the drugstore purchasing the toothbrush when word came that the Columbia shuttle had crashed.  (I didn't actually remember the date, but the incident, so I just looked up the date.)  Anyway, I tossed the electric over a year ago, and went back to manual brushing.  I had read somewhere that good manual brushing was just as effective as electric, and I was trying to save money.  But in my case I must not be an effective manual brusher.  When i went to the dentist recently for my 6-month checkup, the hygienest said my teeth were hard to clean, and that next time they might need to use a water treatnement (?)

I didn't like the sound of that, and I noticed that the backs of my teeth upper teeth were feeling a bit gritty after brushing, soon after my checkup.  So I researched electric toothbrushes.  I had bought the original Oral B because it was rated highest by Consumer something.  That's still the case--Oral B still wins out over Sonicare.  Something called Consumersearch rated the Oral B Professional Series Smartcare 4000 the best electric toothbrush.  Consumer Reports mentions a "top-rated Oral B" in its (free) overview, but makes people subscribe to see the ratings.

My local CVS and Walgreens both had the Oral B Pro series 4000 (aka the Triumph--can they be more confusing); both were selling for about $140.  I also checked the Oral B website and found that they have a 5000--one has to assume the 5000 is newer and/or fancier or both.  I checked Amazon, which sells both the 4000 and 5000--the 5000 sells for $103.99; the 4000 for $4 less ($99.99).  According to a chart Oral B developed that's on the Amazon site, the only difference between the two models is that the 5000 has something called the "Wireless Smartguide" which helps "maximize your routine".  Whatever that means, right?  Luckily, one 5000 product review was very helpful. Here's what B. Johnson from Cleveland OH said about the 5000 vs 4000 that swayed me on the 5000:

  When I was making the decision to buy this model, I went back and forth as to whether to go with the SmartSeries 5000 with its separate "Smart Guide," (as opposed to the only slightly-cheaper 4000) but I'm glad I opted to pay the extra money for this additional gizmo. Aside from the fact that it doubles as an unobtrusive bathroom clock, I actually find that the visual guidance on brushing times, brushing mode, and brushing pressure help me to use this product to its full potential.

With a difference of only $4, and priced well below CVS and Walgreens, the 5000 on Amazon seemed like the best bet.  And it was over the price threshold for free shipping, so I didn't pay for shipping.  Amazon.com is clearly the winner for purchasing items like this--what a huge difference!

I've just started using the toothbrush--it is a bit complicated and took some reading and re-reading to figure out how to use the Wireless Smartguide.  But my teeth do feel cleaner, and it has a separate "whitening" mode with different brush head.  Not sure how well it works, but it sounds good.  I haven't tried some of the other modes, like deep cleaning.  Who know brushing teeth could be so complicated?

An Agent?

A few months ago I sent my voice acting demo, along with head shots and a resume, to a local talent agency.  Trying to figure out how to look for voice acting jobs is overwhelming, and could be quite costly. I'm trying to avoid spending money-it seems like such a long shot.  Seems like having an agent is a way to potentially find jobs without wasting a lot of time. Well, I got an email from the agency asking me to come in for an open call.  Not sure how significant this is--do they email everyone who sends them a request?  But I'm excited--it's the first concrete step I've taken on this front in a while.  I'm hoping they'll represent me--we'll see.  Should be an interesting experience, anyway.  Now I'll have to review the materials and tips from my voice acting training.  The email doesn't really say what I'll be doing--it says "..we will collect your information, put you on camera, and answer any questions you may have..."

What does "put you on camera" mean?  Will they ask me to read?  Interview me on camera?  Maybe people who know what they're doing know what to expect.  And this agent always says "don't call us, we'll call you..."  So I can't ask them what it means.  They also represent actors and models, so having them on camera makes sense.  And I already sent in my demo disk and head shots, but they tell me to bring those.  So what did they do with the stuff I already sent in?  (Which they asked for.)

I'm excited and nervous--plus this place is in Baltimore, so I have to figure out how much time to allow to get there.  With DC traffic, who knows.  The open call is from 11am-2pm.  I figure I should be there before 11am, get on whatever list they have and wait my turn.  I'll bring a yog book or two so I can study while I'm waiting.  I guess I could blog about waiting, but that would probably make me more nervous.

Good think I'm not desperate for money...

Un-Friend=ly

Surprising how many days can go by without blogging--still struggle with self-discipline.  But I'm also doing (or trying to do) so many different things at the same time:  develop a voice acting career (OK, get some voice acting work); train to become a yoga instructor; write a blog; maintain my public policy and analytical background via community service.  And strengthen my singing voice.

So back to the blog.  I joined Facebook shortly before I retired, as a way to keep up with people from work.  Network also includes family and high school friends.  And now I have my first dilemma--whether to unfriend someone.  According to a recent article in the WSJ (I think), one of the biggest reasons people "unfriend" is when someone writes too frequently about mundane topics.  So that's what I'm faced with--one person who writes daily, and sometimes several times a day.  Some recent examples:  "c'mon Bills"..."so happy to be home off my feet..."  "heading to bed soon...:  "bought my first Christmas gift tonight..."   These blurbs clog my Droid, which has a "social media" app.  Often her blurbs are the only new items to show up.  Everyone else with whom I am friends is pretty judicious about posting items on Facebook. (Including me--my dog posts more items on her wall than I do on mine.)

According to my son, writing about one's every move is common among teen/young adult Facebook users.  But not so for boomers.  Among other things, I don't want people to think I have nothing better to do than write on my FB wall.  I've been considering unfriending the prolific scribbler for some weeks now, but get nervous about doing so.  My son assures me that she won't get a "you've been unfriended" message.  She apparently won't know unless she tries to contact me specifically, or notices that I'm not on her list of friends any more.  But I still feel uncomfortable unfriending someone--I keep thinking her next blurb might be interesting; that I'll miss something.  And how do you refriend if you want to?  Guess I need to ask my son--maybe they find out then that they had been unfriended.

Today's Washington Post had an article about Facebook and infertility--how difficult it is for people who are trying unsuccessfully to have kids to be bombarded with postings about children.  Someone called it Facebook envy.  Guess I'm glad I didn't have to deal with that while trying to have a second child.  But I'm starting to feel some of that toward grandparents; I don't think that's in the cards for me.  I try not to think about it; but that will get harder as the years go by.

I still haven't decided whether to unfriend; not until I find out more about refriending...

15 minutes prep time...

Am I the only one who takes longer (often a lot longer) to make a recipe than they say in the instructions?  I generally double the time they say, and am not far off.  So today I tried a new recipe--Starbucks Pumpkin Scones--and decided to track my steps and compare against the estimate.  Not sure how they can use the Starbucks name in the recipe, by the way--it's not their recipe.  Unless Rachel Snachel, whose name is on the recipe, baked them for Starbys.  Anyway, I could tell her prep time estimate of 15 minutes was way off, given what the recipe entails--two separate mixing bowls, blending cold butter, patting the dough on a board and cutting it...and the recipe also says it will take a total of 30 mins. min (I finally figured out that the second "min" means minimum).   Since just one step in the recipe calls for waiting an hour--you'd be in bad shape if you thought your family would be eating scones anywhere near 1/2 hour after you start.

I started at 7am--combined the dry ingredients in one bowl, but snagged on "using a pastry knife...cut butter into the dry ingredients until...no chunks of butter are obvious".  I'd blend for a while using my pastry knife, then go on to something else--chunks got smaller, but were still obvious, unless you count the fact that they were covered in flour (but that would make them not visible, as opposed to "not obvious".  I finally gave up on the butter chunks at 7:35--22 minutes later (started "blending" at 7:13.  But as I said, I also was doing other stuff.  Like mixing the wet ingredients and shooing the cat off the work surface.

Patting the dough onto the wooden board (after folding the wet and dry ingredients together) was messy--should have put flour on my hands.  Also had to keep putting flour on the knife.  I finally got the first batch of scones (too many for one batch) into the oven at 7:50; baked for 14 minutes.  But then I had to wait for the scones to cool before putting on the first glaze.  And letting the first glaze cool before "drizzling" the second glaze--although my "drizzles" was globs.  I was done glazing and drizzling the first batch at 8:30.   And then the recipe says "allow the icing to dry before serving--at least 1 hour.   My son and I shaved that time a bit and ate the first scones at about 9:20am--nearly 1 1/2 hours after I started!

This is probably one of the worst estimates I've encountered--really sloppy, if you ask me.  So it pays to read the recipe entirely and make your own estimate of how long it will take.  So you and your family won't be disappointed!

I will say, the scones were very good!

Yes, but what kind of yoga?

When I started telling people that I was training to be a yoga instructor, I thought that statement would be self-explanatory.  But instead I was asked, what kind of yoga?  (This happened primarily at my high school reunion in Ohio--nobody here in the DC area asks me that.  Not sure why the regional difference.)  So I would mutter, you know, yoga, or say Hatha Yoga because I'd heard of that (without really knowing what it meant).  Then I would explain that I wanted to focus my teaching practice with people who are struggling with mental health issues.  Such as depression and anxiety.  I even found someone at the reunion who also focuses on this population.  But as far as I can tell that kind of focus doesn't have a name, unless you consider it therapeutic yoga.

So now that I'm in a yoga teacher training program, I'm paying more attention to the different kinds of yoga.  There are so many, and it's so confusing, that people have written articles about the different types (and often who's associated with them).

With that in mind, I went through the Fall 2010 yoga schedule at my local yoga studio and cross-referenced the names to descriptions from a couple of articles.  "My" yoga studio says "...we believe in a holistic approach to the study of yoga...bringing in teachers with an eclectic background of yoga".  So that explains why I study yoga, just yoga.  Level 1, 2, 3 and 4.  But the studio also offers Anusara Yoga (that's John Friend's--he was written up in the NYT magazine in a less-than-favorable light.   The Yoga Mogul.  Anusara seems to be a type of reformed Iyengar.  Iyengar, which I hear much about, seems to be very rigorous, with people staying in poses for a long time.  Several minutes maybe. And during that time they're making adjustments to perfect their technique.  Iyengar teacher sometimes referred to as the yoga Nazi.  I've been afraid to take the class.  Although the devotees apparently love it.

Then there's integral yoga, founded by someone named Dr. Dean Ornish, which our studio describes as "a holistic approach to yoga that incorporates a complete hatha routine, deep relaxation, pranayama, chanting and a short meditation".  But that describes many of the no-name yoga classes I take, so I'm not sure what the difference is.   And Kripalu-inspired yoga; Kripalu yoga founded by Amfit Desai, named after his teacher Sri Kripalvananda who according to one article founded Kundalini yoga.  Not sure founded is the correct word.  Anyway, Kripalu "focuses on listening to your mind, body and spirit," according to the class description.  And Kundalini is a "unique yoga practice integrating hand positions, breath, posture, sound and motion".   Then there's Vinyasa yoga, which kind of sounds like Ashtanga, which was founded, discovered, invented, by Sri K. Pattabhi Jois--oh, the Astanga.com web site says Jois "transmitted [Ashtanga] to the modern world".  So Jois transmitted Ashtanga, which "involves synchronizing the breath with a progressive series of postures—a process producing intense internal heat and a profuse, purifying sweat that detoxifies muscles and organs," according to Ashtanga.com

Ashtanga sounds a little like hot yoga, but it's not--they don't turn up the heat.  In fact we're always asking them to turn on the a/c in the studio.  So our studio doesn't offer hot yoga.  Which also is called Bikram.  But if you call it that, apparently Bikram will sue.  Bikram yoga was developed by Bikram Choudhury from Hatha Yoga, according to bikramyoga.com.  Bikram studios are heated to 104 degrees F.  Again, according to bikramyoga.com.  Then there's power yoga, which we also don't do.  At least I don't think so--I haven't looked it up.  Well, I just did--apparently this can be another name for Ashtanga yoga.  You know, the yoga transmitted to the modern world by Sri K. Pattabhi Jois.

Given all these different yogas, I figure I'll come up with a sanskrit-y name to describe my practice--and/or come up with a new first name.  Cindy Yoga won't get very far, I suspect.  I've got several months to come up with something.  But I read recently that Indians are getting annoyed with all the people who are copywriting their own versions of yoga, and a move is afoot to "...try to block anyone from cornering the market on the 5,000-year-old discipline of stretching, breathing and meditating..."  (See USAToday article from 2006.)  So maybe we'll go back to doing yoga.  Just yoga.

Meditation is so hard...

My 20-minute meditations continue to be a chore--something I almost dread.  Not exactly what I'm supposed to be saying, right?   But I can't be the only person whose mind gets more, rather than less, active.  Because it has nothing else to do except sit there, so it wanders all over the place.  Today I decided to try to keep track of the kinds of thoughts that go through my head in 20 minutes.  Again, not what I''m supposed to be striving for...Some decent portion of the time, I'm trying to decide how much time has elapsed.  I try to wait to open my eyes and look at the clock until I think it's close to 20 minutes.  I've only once hit it at exactly 20 minutes--the worst I've done recently was 8 minutes off.  More frequently, I'm 4-5 minutes short when I take my first peek.  Then I end up looking about 4 more times before I reach 20 minutes.  So anyway, in addition to wondering fairly frequently how much time has elapsed, and whether it's anywhere close to 20 minutes so I can stop, I also fretted over Michigan having no defense, and Denard Robinson carrying too heavy a load, and now that they'll have to face strong teams he may get injured and one guy can't possibly score enough points to make up for a nonexistent defense.  I guess that's because it's Monday and the Saturday games are fresh in my mind.  And wondering if my foot will fall asleep before I reach 20 minutes and maybe I should switch the cross of my legs.  And trying to adjust so I'm sitting up straight, but not focusing too much on that because it could take away from the meditation.  And keeping my throat and neck soft, because that helps with singing.  And every once in a while I hear me saying my mantra.  Then the worries and concerns about my son--and then trying to suppress them.

Are my 20 minutes up yet?

Weekend Warrior (I and II)

My yoga teacher training group had its second (in a row) intensive weekend session.  I felt a bit like I was going to work again, because I had to drive into town on Thursday and Fridays--the sessions went from 9-4:30 (with a 1 1/2 hour break for lunch).  The sessions were quite rigorous, and made me realize I'm not as in good a shape as I thought.  The instructors at our studio are all very careful to remind people to know their limits and to what's comfortable.  But while this out-of-town instructor said we should do that as instructors, I didn't feel that the workshop was run in quite as tolerant a fashion.  So I pushed myself harder than I should have, and had a very sore left quad the next day.  Very sore.  Probably compensated in some fashion for the fact that my right quad is weak from injury.  And I was just generally sore and worn out.  I made it through the Friday session; I think he may have backed off a bit based on how many of us looked on Thursday.  At one point on Thurs, he said he was modifying his plan because we didn't look so hot (he didn't say it that way, but that's how I took it).  He had someone come around and "adjust" what we were doing--which can be fine, but often what he was pushing for was a more intense version of specific poses.  So the less intense approaches aren't wrong (they won't cause injury).  But if we tried to back off a bit, he or his helper would try to get us to readjust to be more intense.

So I learned first-hand what it's like when one is in an environment where she feels pressure to keep up, even when it may not be good for them.  Yes, it was how I interpreted what was going on, but I think as instructor one has to be especially careful not to do anything that would prompt people to push it too much.  I read an article on the growing numbers of yoga injuries (from the on-line version of Yoga Journal), and it seems like the biggest cause is overzealous teachers (combined with inexperience).  So the "go at your own pace" message can't just be words spoken at the beginning of a session--the sentiment needs to permeate the practice.  It's so easy for many, including me, to start making comparisons with others; to want to feel like we can do everything at the maximum level.  The full yoga practice--including breathing and meditation--should help calm the yogini and ennable her to focus on deepening her practice in ways that are consistent with her physical (and mental) condition.

trigger finger surgery update

I had my surgery 4+ weeks ago (that's more than 4 but less than 4 1/2--4 and 2 days) and my trigger finger is very stiff and swollen.  I've put ice on my hand (also swollen where they did the surgery) and taken Aleve.  They helped some.  But my finger is so puffy and stiff it's scary.  Could be that I overdid my downward facing dogs and other poses at the intensive weekend yoga workshop.  But I have 2 more full days of yoga workshops starting tomorrow, so I can't lay off yet.   After Friday I'll take it easy...I don't really want to go back to the doctor; maybe this is (somewhat) normal recovery process.

Speaking of dogs (quite a segway), ours is peeing in her sleep again--sbe pees on the chair she sleeps on and on her LL Bean dog bed.  The bed cover washed fine, but the "memory foam dog bed insert" was ruined--I left it outside all day and it still stunk.  So I've ordered a new insert--not cheap at $90 for a large.  It's for the therapeutic dog bed, which is designed for older dogs.  Which ours is at 10 yrs. and two joint surgeries.  I asked LLB if they have make a plastic covering for the insert--they don't.  I'm hoping it comes in plastic wrap--if so I'll just leave the plastic on.  It's too big otherwise to find plastic that will fit--the dry cleaner bags are too flimsy.  The order said the it could take 3-4 weeks for delivery, but I got an email from LLB today saying the product had been shipped.  I just ordered it yesterday!  They do have good service and good products.  I almost also ordered the "fleece lined flannel shirt (in bright Navy plaid)--the shirt I had seen at the store recently and really liked.  I couldn't find it on the web site initially, but it's now in the catalogue.  So I knew what it was called, and thus could pull it up on the web site.

I will say I have trouble finding things on the LLBean web site if I don't have the exact name. I searched on therapeutic dog bed mattress, for example, and got nothing.  You have to know that the mattress is called a memory foam insert--who calls it that?  I think they could make it easier for people to find a replacement insert by linking the product to the dog bed--almost looks like they want people to buy the whole bed (including the cover) if they need a replacement.  But the bed (cover and insert) costs $139, so getting just the insert is a savings.  I can't have the only do who's peed on her dog bed.  In fact, she had gone on the old bed and I didn't realize it--I tossed the whole bed because it wasn't "therapeutic".

She does love these dog beds--we have two; one in our family room and one in our hallway.  We're upping the medication she takes to prevent the urinate-while-you-sleep problem.  I wonder if they make doggie diapers...

YogaNotes

Whew!  I made it through our first intensive yoga training weekend--2 hrs. Friday, 7 hrs. Sat, 3 hrs Sun for a total of 12 hours.  But it wasn't all asanas--quite a bit of lecture, including 2 hours of anatomy; a discussion of the origins of yoga.  Also meditation and breathing.  I felt good about being able to keep up; although I feel more tired 2 days later than I did yesterday.  And I have a yoga class this morning.  I considered skipping it to rest a bit, but probably won't.  I'll tell myself to take it easy during the class, but I'm usually not able to do that--feels like cheating.

I'm starting to read Desikachar's book, The Heart of Yoga.  Makes me wish I had started reading yoga texts earlier.  But his description of how "there are many ways of practicing yoga, and gradually the interest in one path will lead to another" (p. 7) is really what's happened to me.  He cites doing asanas (the physical poses), studying yoga texts, meditating, and feeling the breath (pranayama) as the four paths.  So if you look at me, I started doing yoga poses after ordering a book of yoga poses (from an ad in a Sunday magazine).  I wish I had kept the book, but I think I threw it out in one of my moves.  Then in the early (or mid?) '80s, I took the transcendental meditation (TM) training--back when it cost a few hundred dollars.  I thought about doing a refresher course a couple of years ago, only to find to my horror that the cost had gone way up--over a thousand dollars, I believe.  And all I remember from my TM training is my mantra.  I literally remember nothing else.  Except that I went to some fraying but elegant brownstone with pink interior walls and lots of candles for the sessions.  Because I've studied voice, I'm more aware of breathing techniques than a lot of people might be.  And some of the breathing exercises I'm currently doing to try to strengthen my voice (which wears out quickly) are very similar to those we do in yoga.  In fact, one exercise we did this weekend--where one inhales in three phases--lower, middle and upper segments of the breathing apparatus--was exactly like one I'm currently doing.  The main difference is that in yoga, we breathe through the nostrils; in singing one breathes through the mouth.  I got back into "yoga practice" (the asanas, or poses, that some people may think constitutes the whole of yoga) after we moved within walking distance of a yoga studio 8 years ago.

And now I'm beginning to read yoga texts as part of the teacher training/in-depth yoga study program.  So Desikachar's words about interest in one path leading to another ring true to me.

And the reasons why I pursued each path differed--but even there I see a confluence of interests and motivation.  I think I was initially attracted to the yoga poses because I'm naturally limber--very limber back--and probably thought I could do them.  (I was one of those kids who could touch her toes to her nose with no trouble.  That and my perfect pitch were my claims to fame as a child.)   And I struggled with weight (binge eating disorder) into my early 30s, and I used some yoga poses from the book as part of my exercise routine.

I just looked this up.  I'm not positive, but pretty sure, the yogini was Lilias Folan--back when she had a long braid.  She had a PBS yoga program in the '70s (Lilias Yoga and You), which I watched occasionally.  i see she's still around (no more braid!) and now has a book entitled Lilias:  Yoga Gets Better with Age.

But I digress...so I used a few yoga poses as part of my exercise plan.  I sought out the meditation in an attempt to calm myself and cope with depression.  Back then as now, I had trouble meditating for even 20 minutes (let alone 20 minutes twice a day, which is what they taught us in TM--so I learned something else!).  I'd try to meditate after I got home from work, and my cat would come in and bother me.  Fast foward to today, when I'm trying once again to sustain a meditative practice.  It seems like such a chore--I have to meditate; I haven't meditated yet...I don't feel that way about the asanas or the breathing or the reading;.  I think it's because my mind doesn't quiet down--it speeds up when I meditate.  So I think I almost dread the 20 minutes--it can seem like an excruciatingly long time.

Like now--I'm supposed to meditate around this time of day (that's my plan, anyway), but I turned to the blog/diary because I hadn't written in a few days.  It's 8:11am and I still haven't taken a shower and I have a yoga class at 10 and I want to get coffee before that...maybe I'll meditate this afternoon..but I also need to practice my vocal exercises before my son gets home (he doesn't like to listen to it, and I don't like having people around while I'm practicing), and I don't know how late he will stay at school...See how I approach meditation?  The less worn path of yoga...

As with many women my age, I did aerobics when I was a yuppie (remember that term?).  I kept it up until I got married, at which time my husband and I both gave up our gym memberships.  Fast forward to 8 years ago, when we moved about a mile from our previous house--to a newly built home.  New neighborhood is closer to commercial strip which includes a yoga studio, Sun and Moon Yoga.  Prompted my to think again about "doing yoga"--the "physical level" as Desikachar calls it.  At that point I had just turned 50 and thinking more about how to maintain some semblance of the flexibility that I took for granted when I was younger.  I could no longer touch my toes to my nose--not even close.  But on the other hand I  rarely get lower back pain.  So yoga seemed like a good practice for an aging flexible-but-not-as-flexible-as-before boomer.  And I could walk to the studio!  Having to get into a car to go exercise is a huge barrier to me, after working all day.

The breathing comes more easily since I have the foundation (although not a very firm one) from singing.  That nearly lifelong struggle (singing) is another story...  But I'm hoping that the pranayamas will help with my effort to expand my breathing capacity and control my breathing--which in turn will, I hope, help my singing.

So the divergent paths and interests are beginning to coalesce; the readings will add depth and appeal to the lifelong learner in me.  I'm one of those people who never really wanted to have to worry about making money--when I was in college I said if I had the resources, I would spend my life traveling and learning.  Luckily, I had a job that allowed me to do those things and get paid.  So now, post job, I'm creating my own program--just haven't figured out how to get paid...

Doggie accessories shopping

Our dog needed a new leash--she's nearly chewed through her current one, and we're out of replacements.  We buy 2-ply leashes, because they're sturdier (although obviously nor chew-proof).  I couln't find any store around here that sells double thick leashes, so went hunting on line.  I did order one, but since it hasn't arrived yet I can't say anything about it or the web site.  I ordered the Dura-Ruff leash (they use the British term "lead") from the Drs. Foster and Smith website on Sept. 15 and paid $5.99 for shipping.  I decided to also get her a new collar--we use a special Martingale-style collar that was recommended to us by the shelter when we got our dog 10 years ago.  She still has her original collar.  So I went on line and found a number of companies that sell these collars on line.  The brand is Lupine--they seem to be the only company that makes these special collars.  (Good for dogs that back out of their collars and/or need perennial training.)  I purchased one collar in bling bonz (cute silver skull and crossbones on a black collar)--placed the order on Sept. 16 and paid $5 for shipping.  But while the leash still hasn't arrived, the collar came in yesterday's mail!  So the company, Four Your Paws Only, gets my vote!  They also included dog treats and a kitchen magnet (in the shape of a dog bone, of course) with the company's info on it.  The web site is www.fouryourpawsonly.com

Lupine collars come with a guaranty--here's what Lupine says on its web site:

Should anything happen to accidentally damage your Lupine product - including chewing mistakes -

you can try contacting any local Lupine retailers to see if they are able to replace the item for you. Not all retailers offer in-store exchange.

For a Dealer Locator by ZIP code, please go here.

Or simply mail the item to us:

Lupine Returns
PO Box 1600
Conway, NH 03818

Include your name, mail address & email or phone number.

Your replacement goes back in the mail the next business day after the damaged item is received.

There's no need to send the original receipt or our cost for the return postage.

Too bad Lupine doesn't make double thick leashes.  Maybe I'll buy one of their leashes--sounds like they would replace it if she chews her new one.  But I'm afraid she'd chew right through a leash with only single thickness.

I know, we need the Dog Whisperer so she won't chew her leash at all...

Yoga Journey

We had our official teacher training introductory session yesterday.  About 25 people have signed up to take the year-long program.  An interesting mix of people--with what I would guess is a bell curve of ages--a few people just starting out, perhaps half a dozen of us retired from one career searching another, and the remainder people in their 30s/40s.  All but two are women, but that's true overall of our yoga studio (Sun and Moon Yoga)--mostly women.

I'm excited and nervous about possibly becoming a yoga teacher--I don't know whether I'll make a good teacher; that is to say, that I'll like teaching.  And people get so attached to specific instructors; I don't know whether I'll be able to "break in" somewhere.  I do want to start getting an idea of the types of places where that might be receptive to a new instructor.  And since I'm especially interested in yoga as a tool to help those with mental health challenges, I'll look at hospitals and wellness programs as well as the "usual suspects"--studios, Ys, and community rec programs.

So I'll be chronicling my yoga teacher training journey in this blog in the coming months.  We have some intensive weekend workshops coming up--two weekends in a row.   So add to the excitement the guilt of not being with my family when they're more likely to be home--evenings and weekends.  In fact, it's starting to feel like I live in an opposite world.  My volunteer work--nonprofit boards, choirs--and the yoga teacher training all rely on evening and weekend hours, since so many people involved work for pay during the day.  So I exercise and write and study during the day, and attend meetings and rehearsals and workshops evenings and weekends.

That means my goal of cooking family dinners more often is harder to achieve--I often have to leave for a meeting, rehearsal or workshop/class before my husband gets home from work.  I need to find meals that I can cook in advance and have available.  Looks like my slow cooker, which I purchased with much fanfare (and web-based research) last spring, needs to come out of the cupboard.  If I can remember where I put it...

Whither Comfort One?

While I was at the Lululemon exchanging my yoga crop pants, I thought I'd stop by the Comfort One Shoes store, which is right around the corner in Clarendon, VA.  I had heard a rumor that Comfort One was closing its stores, but I checked their web site and saw no evidence of that.  But they did close their store in Clarendon.  I've bought just about every pair of shoes I own from Comfort One--they have comfortable shoes that are stylish--sometimes a touch combination to come by.  So I was concerned that the Clarendon closure was another blow for Fashion that Appeals to Boomers.  But in checking their web site (which now has been updated so the Clarendon location is no longer listed), I noticed that they're now at Pentagon City, a nearby mall.  So they are still in business; not sure why they closed the Clarendon location.  Except that I hadn't been there in several months; maybe I had been keeping them afloat.

I've found many great shoes at Comfort One--one of my favorite brands is Beautifeel--Israeli made shoes (didn't even know they had a shoe industry) that can be worn with business casual.  So many comfortable shoes look clunky; these don't.  I also love Naot sandals (another Israeli brand).  I have 3 or 4 pairs in the same style.  Kind of Jesus-sandal looking (hope that's not sacriligeous)--plain and flat, with cross straps--but very comfortable.

I was looking to replace a pair of slippers I bought there a few years ago.  Now I'll have to wait until the next time I'm at Pentagon City.  Or Tysons, God forbid, which I avoid due to massive construction on top of already too much traffic.  Although we did go there yesterday to buy shoes for my son.  In and out quickly, on a Sunday afternoon.  Not too bad.

Lululemon redux

I took the advice of the Lululemon rep who read my recent blog, and took my crop pants with the loose threads back to my local Lululemon shop.  (Doesn't everyone have one?)  I had a great outcome--the sales person asked if I wanted to replace the pants, so I picked out a new pair.  They didn't have grey pants; guess they stopped making them.  But I picked out a nice black pair with purple trim--and without the stitching that had been problematic.  I haven't put them on yet, but they're the same size as the originals so I'm sure they're fine.  Success!  So Lululemon does live up to its reputation for standing by its products.  I definitely would purchase Lululemon yogawear in the future.  Too bad they can't replace the pants that were stolen!

A first...

I set out this morning to look for one item at LL Bean--yoga pants--and came back with just one item--yoga pants.  Not that I didn't look at other clothes.  One in particular would make a great fall dog walking shirt---a padded blouse.  But I stuck with my plan and only tried on 2 pairs of "fitness pants".  (LL Bean stopped calling them yoga pants a while ago.)  I had looked on the LLB web site, but couldn't decide which type to buy, if any.  I love the cropped LLB yoga pants (back when they were yoga pants) I bought some years ago, but they no longer exist.  Everything's been "improved" and generified ("fitness").

I tried on the two types of cropped fitness pants I'd seen on the web--luckily they had both, and in my size. I went with the "Black Fitness Crop" as opposed to the "Perfect Fit Pants, Cropped".  I actually thought the "perfect fit" pants were a little softer, but they had, in my view, a fatal flaw--side pockets that stuck out with wings.  Who wants more attention to the hips?  I'm thin, but relatively speaking my hips/upper thigh are big.  The pants I bought are not as soft and comfortable as the old yoga pants, bur they're a lot cheaper than Lululemon at $39.50 (with a $10 coupon $29.50).  My late departed Lululemons cost almost $90.

One improvement in the new LLB crops is a back zip pocket--my old yoga pants have no pocket at all.  Aside from the fabric blend being a bit heavier and less soft, the new crops have an elastic waistband.  Even at a size XS, the waist is already too big, and likely will get bigger as the elastic gives way.  Which it always does.  I wish they'd go back to drawstring, with is what the old pants (and my Lulus) had.  Even though the drawstring disappeared some time ago, the waist is still comfortable.

Also, the new XS is a bit more form fitting than my old LLB yoga pants--I like the old fit better.  They're neither baggy nor form fitting.  But this seems to be the new norm--the new crops have 12 percent spandex.

Limiting myself to what I set out to buy--and focusing on only one purchase--is a rarity if not a first for a recovering shopaholic.  But I do have my eyes on that puffy shirt...maybe I'll just look it up on the LLB web site to get more info...

Healing

The doctor (his assistant, actually) finally removed the stitches from my hand yesterday--it really hurt.  I felt nauseous after I got home.  Whenever I feel that way, I worry that it's the Meniere's disease, and that I'm headed for a vertigo attack.  I haven't had a bout with Meniere's-related vertigo since Dec. '06.  That was a bad Fall (and fall, figuratively speaking).  I'm still very glad my illness didn't coincide with my son's.  Fall seems to be a tough time for our family.

The palm of my left hand looks like chopped up meat--I took a photo of it yesterday so I can see how I'm progressing.  The doctor said it would take at least a month (maybe longer) before the swelling will go down.  But right now what's prominent are the six holes where the stitches protruded through my skin, and the line where one of the stitches crossed over the center of my palm.  The surgery cut line is disappearing quickly--except where a stitch crossed it.  But this morning I could hold a half gallon orange juice carton without my hand hurting--the stitches were pulling and making it difficult to open my hand fully.  So having the stitches out is quite a relief.

My quad strain is slow to heal--the doctor said it would take a while.  (I heard him say 2 weeks when I first went to see him--maybe I misunderstood what would be better after 2 weeks.)   I can walk, bike, and do yoga, but he said not running or jumping until it's fully healed.  And if something starts to hurt, I should stop.  So that means I'll have to take it easy on yoga poses.  I used to do boat pose every day, but I'm afraid to pull my quad up and back.  And I won't be able to do camel pose, either.  And no jumping from downward facing dog to whatever the pose is called where you're bent over.  I'll need to learn these names if I'm going to teach!  I sanskrit, let alone English.

I have lots of qualms about my new attempted ventures--I have too much time to think.  Not good for someone like me--it's easier for me if I'm kept busy with meetings, busy work, etc.  Having open ended time is hard for me--I don't consistently have a lot of self-discipline.  So I've made renewed efforts to find some work in my old line.  At the same time, I signed up for a free webinar on "monetizing" oneself for voiceovers.  Or however you say "making money doing voiceovers" these days.  A topic for another blog posting.  Now it's off to yoga...

lululemon lemon?

I can't believe it--I bought the popular (and pricey) lululemon yoga pants (groove crop II) and noticed today that some of the threads at the waist (decorative trim) have pulled out.  And they're in the middle of the trim  line, so I can't cut it.  I only wear these pants at home--they're so tight I won't wear them to the yoga studio, since I walk there.  When I bought the pants, I told the sales clerk I needed a larger size--she said I had the correct size.  That if the pants were too small, she would be able to see light shining through the fabric!  Even though I'm fairly thin, more of my weight is in my lower half, so I'm self-conscious about how I look in them.  So why did I buy them, you ask?  Guess I thought I'd get used to them.  They do feel good, since they compress the legs a bit--made my sore leg feel better.

I'm probably especially miffed that the threads came out since the robburglar stole my other pair of lululemon crops.  Stole the beach bag they were in, I mean.

Reminds my of the time I bought a pair of Liz Claiborne pants, and the button fell off the first time I put the pants on.  No, they weren't too tight--the button hadn't been sewn on properly.  That was the first and only time I bought anything from Liz Claiborne.  Although I learned recently that Liz Claiborne company owned the Sigrid Olsen line.  That was one of my favorite lines of clothing, and Claiborne dumped it.  Another example of fashion leaving me, not me leaving it.  So being an aging boomer and spending less on clothing ends up being a self-fulfilling prophesy--stores offer less that's appealing to me, so I in turn lose interest in shopping.  For clothes, at least.  I could spend a lot (more) on house and garden...

another week of stitches...and more on cosmetics

I guess I misunderstood the doctor--I thought he'd be taking the stitches out of my hand today,  I was so looking forward to it--but he said it was too soon.  So I have to live with stitches through the palm of my hand for another week.  Guess I'll just do as much as I can, and not worry too much about the pulling.  Maybe as the week progresses, the stitches won't pull against my skin so much.  Sigh.

I whiled away part of the day looking up songs on YouTube--I'm amazed at how many are available for free.  Or maybe they're not supposed to be free, but they are.  So I won't mention what I've added to my favorites and playlist, to protect those who are providing them.  Some are songs I have on CDs or albums from years ago; it's nice to have them on the computer.  I wish I could play them in the background while I do other things on the computer; I'll have to figure out if there's a way to do that.

I read today in the WSJ that Estee Lauder is revamping its department store displays to be more accessible.  Younger shoppers, the article noted, like to test things.  So do we boomers--we just, I think, took many approaches as givens.  But now my goal is not to buy any expensive department store-type cosmetics.  The last to fall was the foundation--the brands available in department stores had many more hues, and my skin is so fair (yet blotchy and reddish in spots) that it's hard to find a good shade.  Has to be tested on the skin.  Although even with that, I wasn't always happy with the shade I ended up buying.  Drugstore brands tended to come in light, medium, dark.  But I just purchased L'Oreal's Visible Lift makeup in light ivory, so I'm going to see if that's a good replacement for the much more expensive Lancome or Bobbi Brown.  (I liked the Bobbi Brown until the bottle started leaking every time I took it on an airplane--no matter how tightly I closed it.)  I used a coupon from Real Simple magazine--the ad had a color palette with some of the actual foundation, so I could test it against the Lancome foundation I've been using.  This L'Oreal has proretinol A+ (whatever that is) and vitamin C.  So it's supposed to be anti-aging.  But I think I only paid about $15 with the coupon, so I'm not out much if it doesn't live up to the anti-aging hype.  Even with the foundation swatches, I still had trouble picking between light and medium ivory.  Since we're moving into fall, and I use SPF 30 on my face every day, I thought lighter would blend in better.  Just hope I don't look pasty--that's the danger if it's too light.  I use foundation sparingly, only over the T zone of my face, where the skintone is uneven.

The only expensive product I'm now using is the Azelex cream--I paid $111 for a 50 gram tube.  But the pharmacist said I saved over $200 with my health insurance.  At least I think that's what he said.  Prescribed by my dermatologist.  Otherwise, she told me to use CeraVe, which is a very inexpensive moisturizer.  She basically said there's not much else I can do at this point.  I'm trying not to succumb to the ads for anti-aging products.  Best to avoid certain magazines, like More, that are inundated with such ads.  And combined with stories of all the famous women who look great at 50, 60, 70...just makes the rest of us feel worse, I think.

On a positive note, I'm off to yoga, after a 2 week hiatus to rest my strained quad.  And now I also have s sore paw--I'll have to work around these injuries, hopefully for only about a week.

Recuperating...

It's been a week since I had the surgery to fix my trigger finger--took me longer to recover than I had thought.  Wonder if I take longer now that I have the luxury to do so--without the obligation of paid work.  The way he stitched up my hand is pretty painful and limiting.  I don't feel pain when I type, but do when I try to do anything that requires the whole hand.  He's got quite a bit of my skin pulled up into the stitches--right across my left palm.  I guess that's to protect the suture line, but it means I can't fully unbend my hand.  Certain daily activities--especially taking a shower and cooking-are among the hardest.  They may seem like disparate activities, but soaping up is very tough--have to go easy on the left palm--and so is opening bottles and chopping food.  I'm sure I'll feel much better once the stitches are out--that happens tomorrow.

My quad pull doesn't seem to be healing very well--the doctor said it should be better in 2 weeks.  I pulled it outright 2 weeks ago yesterday, although the originating event occurred in early August.  After not walking (much) for 2 weeks, I'll slowly get back to my daily walking routine.  And our Y closed for the entire Labor Day weekend, so I haven't been able to use a stationary bike--something I'm supposed to do as often as possible and at least every other day.  My leg hurts, and is still swollen; but it doesn't hurt when I walk.  The doctor told me not to take long strides, so I'm being careful about that.  And I'll start back in on yoga tomorrow and see how that goes.

I start a new yoga class this week-advanced yoga studies--that's a requirement for the yoga teacher training program I'm about to begin.  I just hope my leg improves before I have to do the intensive weekend session.  Still mulling over the fact that I've chosen to pursue vocations--voice acting and yoga teacher training--that require one to be in top physical form.  And now I'm struggling with both--my voice wears out quickly, and I've got this quad pull..

I still look for possible positions that utilize my management and public policy background, but so far haven't found anything that looks like a fit.  Have applied for a few positions over the past several months, but no bites.  Not sure how my resume looks to people.  But I also have the luxury of applying very selectively, and of not having to worry if I don't get an interview.  Probably would be best for me not to get another full-time job, so I can pursue these other interests and develop new expertise.  Bur if something comes along that's a mutually good fit, I don't think I can afford to pass it up.  I worry that the longer I go without being in the workforce, the less likely it will be that someone would want to hire me--or that I'll feel up to going back to an office work environment.

Too much thinking, not enough doing...so I'll get back to doing.  At least I've restarted my blog after a week's absence!

watching trigger finger surgery on the Internet....

...was not a good idea!  I had hoped the video would just describe the surgery without showing it, but no such luck.  The video was 4 minutes, so it didn't show every second, but it was more than enough.  I watched a little, hoping when the doctor showed where he would cut the hand that he wouldn't really cut the hand...and it got more graphic from there.  I had to look away part of the time; got queasy when they pulled the tendon out so they could test the movement of the finger.  But it is pretty short and simple surgery--supposed to take 20-25 min.  Mine's scheduled for Monday; even with minor surgery I'll be at the hospital all afternoon.  Looks like I'll have a regional block (numbed left arm and hand) with IV sedation--so I'll be out during the surgery, but should wake up fairly quickly.

On to another ailment, I read up more on gracilis syndrome.  The gracilis muscle runs along the inside edge of the leg, and attaches to the pelvis.  According to an article I found on the web, this muscle allows the hip to move across the body.  I'm not sure how the orthopedist decided that was my problem, since it's my quad muscle that hurts.  He pulled my leg different ways; it did hurt most toward the top of my leg.  So the exercises he's having me do are supposed to help with range of motion, and are different from quad strengthening exercises.  But the bicycling helps with that; not sure whether it also helps with gracilis syndrome.

Another setback...

I've sustained more injuries in the 7 months that I've been out of work than in the past several years, it seems.  I'm doing a lot more physical activity--gardening, yoga, walking--things I've been doing, but now spending significantly more time at each.  But the latest injury--a strained quad muscle--is an indirect result of my increased focus on volunteer activities.  I played in a kickball fundraiser a few weeks ago, and ran a lot--mostly running after balls that had gone over my head and kept rolling...and rolling.  And occasionally running bases.  I hadn't sprinted like that in a long time ("probably 20 years," my husband said helpfully).  Unlike a couple of other players on my team, who pulled muscles and limped off the field the first time they ran a base, I didn't feel anything that day.  (Note to self:  what was I thinking, having most of the team be people over 50?  Another reminder that it's not as easy to get physical as it used to be; that we're getting old.  I knew I wouldn't be very good at kickball, not having played since grade school, but I thought I was in good enough physical shape to handle a couple of games.

The next day I noticed that my quad was sore when I made certain movements, or tried to run.  But I could walk without pain, so I figured it was minor.  Maybe it was, but I guess I didn't take care of it over the next couple of weeks.  At the beach last week, the undertow was pretty strong for the first few days, and when I tried to wade into the water the undertow would pull on my leg muscle and make it hard for me to walk.  So I couldn't go in very far, and had to get out when my muscle would start to ache.  Only the last day was I able to get out far enough to float and swim, because the undertow had finally died down.  If I had turned around and seen the robburglar stealing my beach bag, I would have pulled the muscle trying to run after them.  Probably would have been more frustrating than not having seen it.  But then I could have yelled "stop thief" and seen if anyone did anything.  Oh, well.

Then this past Sunday, a day after we returned from the beach, I went to kneel in church and felt the muscle pull and possibly tear.  I couldn't walk without pain, so I knew I needed to find out what to do.  I had a doctor's appointment scheduled the next day, for my trigger finger, so I figured I could use that appointment to have the orthopedist look at my leg.  But in the meantime, I googled on "treatment for sprained quad".  Or as google stated, "did you mean strained quad"?   Guess so.  Anyway, a sports medicine site (About.com:  Sports Medicine) cited the R.I.C.E. treatment--rest, ice, compression and elevation.  I spent the rest of the day using that approach (if you ice and elevate you have to rest, because you can't move--and I put an ace bandage around my leg for the compression).  Seems like it helped, because my leg wasn't as swollen the next day.

The doctor confirmed that I had a strained (and probably torn) quad, and said it would take 2 weeks to heal.  Probably would have healed the first time in 2 weeks if I'd taken better care of it.  He gave me several exercises to do--the sheet says it's range of motion and strengthening for gracilis syndrome.  I looked up gracilis syndrome and still don't know what it is--sounds like something more related to hip or groin.   And he said I should use a stationary bike 20-30 minutes at least every other day.  Basically, he said I should bike as much as I can tolerate.  So far I've done it twice and find that it's my butt that can't tolerate it very well--I need a day off in between to rest my sore butt.  I asked about yoga and walking--he said I shouldn't do yoga for a week, and be very careful after that.  And he said walking was OK, but that I shouldn't take long strides.  So walking the dog is out.  He said I didn't need to do ice/compression--I think those only work initially to keep swelling down.

The major pull occurred on Sunday, so this is day 3 of treatment.  I'm limiting what I do pretty severely, so this will hopefully fully heal.  My plan is to update my resume, add to my LinkedIn profile, sign up for a job search engine.  And then I still need to practice voiceover recording.  And I just signed up for yoga teacher training, which I'll do over the next year.  Started reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (I told you I was behind in my reading), but didn't get very far...

I wuz robburgled...

We go to Virginia Beach every year, and I've never worried about leaving my stuff on the beach.  But I did a number of things that, in retrospect, made my more susceptible to a robbery.  What is it called, anyway--it's supposed to be a robbery when you're held up, and a burglary when it's in your home and your not there at the time of the break in.  So what's it called when you leave your bag on the beach unattended and come back to find it gone?  Guess I was robburgled.

I had decided to go the the beach in the morning, after my free "yoga on the beach" class--I was tired of getting out there at 4 or 5pm with the family.  The guys didn't want to go that early; I thought it would be nice to have some "alone time".  So here are my missteps:

- going by myself (an easier target), at a time when the beach wasn't very crowded
- finding a spot on the perimeter (as the policeman called it)
- not having others nearby, and not being near (enough) to the lifeguard
- taking my droid and using it
- packing other valuable stuff, especially a good watch.

And of course, leaving it unattended for maybe 10-15 minutes while I hung out at the shore lien.

I pride myself on being street smart, but didn't think I had to be.  I actually think someone was probably watching me, and saw the above--I was easy prey.  It' was so disorienting when I went back to my towel.  Because my towel and sandals were there, but not my striped beach bag.  I first looked around, thinking someone nearby had it--maybe it blew off the towel.  Not likely.  Maybe my son and husband had stopped by and taken it.  No, why would they do that?  Please tell me it wasn't stolen--I had not just my droid and watch, but my (very expensive) prescription glasses and clipons; my nearly brand new Lululemon yoga pants (serves me right for buying $90 yoga pants, I thought); a beach hat I had just bought; an East Coast Surfing Championship t shirt from some years back that's probably no longer available.  Oh, and my Eat, Pray, Love book that I had just purchased and begun to read (yes, I'm a couple of years behind in my reading).

I went to the lifeguard to tell him that I thought my stuff had been stolen, and he called the police.  I heard them ask if I had the right location.  I wish that were the case--but since my towel and shoes were still there, I knew I was in the spot where I also had left the bag.  As I was waiting for the police to show up, I looked around in a few trash bins, hoping the robburglar(s) had tossed the bag pretty quickly.  I'm thinking it's more likely they stuffed it in another bag and walked off, so my bag wouldn't be visible, and then went somewhere else to rummage through it and toss the bag.  At least that's how I would do it--walk, don't run, and hide the bag as fast as possible.  So if no one sees you pick up the bag, they won't suspect anything.  Then walk away.

Took the beach police maybe 10-15 minutes to get there (via bicycle).  The policeman said such thefts happen all the time--especially when the beach is less crowded, and the bag is unattended and on the perimemter of the area where people are sitting.  So the action would be behind them.  He suggested I continue looking in the trash bins on the beach, and said they would look along the boardwalk.  As I was talking to him my husband and son came by, so they helped me look through trash bins maybe 1/4 mile around the area of the theft.

I had thought about wearing the hat, my glasses, and my watch to the shoreline, since I wasn't planning to go in the water.  But I didn't--can I please have that decision back?  Other than feeling stupid, I was most upset about losing my glasses.  But I kept my composure throughout, and didn't complain--my son is so sensitive, I didn't want to upset him.  And I kept telling myself I lost only material things.  Although we all lost our naivete about life at the beach.  My son wanted to make sure we didn't put our stuff near the perimeter when we went to the beach a day and a half later (rain had intervened), and I made sure I didn't take anything valuable--anything left, that is.  I never take much on vacations.

I kept hoping we or someone would find the bag, or that I'd see someone with it and confront them (they'd have to be pretty stupid to carry the striped bag around, wouldn't they).  But we didn't.  So I spent 2 1/2 days not being able to see--but rarely mentioned it.  I did get a new droid out of it--and was able to get the droid2, which just came out on Aug. 10.  And with an upgrade deal and coupon, we paid $100 instead of $300.  The new droid has improved on some aspects of the original droid--especially the pullout keyboard, which is not as wide and thus easier to use.

We went to see The Expendables, which is the kind of movie where not having glasses for distance doesn't matter--everything was bombastic (literally), and I could tell the characters apart well enough.  And when I couldn't, it didn't seem to matter.  I knew it was the kind of movie where the (relatively) good guys would win, and none of them would be killed.  So they can do a sequel.

I'm wearing my old glasses now, while waiting for my replacement lenses.  They gave me a 20% discount, because I had just bought the glasses in May.  But they were still expensive...

Sandwiched

I don't write on the blog about some family issues, to protect others' privacy.  Suffice it to say I'm caught in the sandwich--with a mom who's declining and a family member who's quite ill.  My mom's situation is I'm sure, common to a lot of people.  The court took away her driver's license this past spring as a result of a bizarre auto incident (we'll probably never know what happened--her and the police's versions are vastly different).  None of us kids live anywhere near her, so it's been a struggle to figure out what to do.  Fortunately, we have a cousin who lives in the same town and has been willing to take my mom out at least a few times a week--for groceries, banking, and health club.  My mom thinks that's a fine arrangement and doesn't want to move.  But we all feel guilty having the burden fall on our cousin--that's not a long term solution.  But the alternative--having my mom move to a continuing care retirement community (CCRC) is quite expensive.  Now I know why people want to age at home.  But with my mom's lack of (auto)mobility, the situation is quite difficult.  There don't appear to be transportation options available to her--when I tried to contact the locat (columbus, ohio) agency on agency for transportation information, I got no response.  So we're basically in limbo, trying to figure out what to do.  My brother would like her to move to his city (in Texas), but she doesn't want to move.  And I know she doesn't want to pay for a CCRC--she's quite frugal.

Meanwhile, I worry about another family member's condition and long-term prospects.  And I feel guilty about not making any money, although I'm trying to position myself to do so.  But the voiceover field is quite overwhelming, and I'm trying to avoid spending money on approaches that may not pan out.  Such as the website that posts auditions, but you have to pay to gain access to the audition info.  Comments I've seen on the web suggest that people break even, at best, in paying to get audition info.  And that's from people who have some experience.  But I'm not giving up--I'm just trying to be realistic.

Being reminded of these circumstances makes it hard to stay positive.  My approach has been to try to crowd out negative thoughts--but sometimes they can overwhelm.

Acne Subsides, Trigger Finger Returns

Well, the acne on my chin is subsiding--I tried a number of products out of desperation.  I used Zeno (the Zit Zapper), which I find is good if you have a few large postules.  But for the number I had, it can be tedious--2 1/2 minutes per zit.    Proactiv Repairing Lotion was a bit too strong for me, but did work to reduce the widespread outbreak.  So I switched to using Proactiv's Refining Mask, which is milder than the Repairing Lotion--the active ingredient is sulphur, not benzoyl peroxide.  And I increased the application of Azelex cream from 1x to 2x per day.  I think my dermatologist had me using it once a day because I was using it as an anti-aging, rather than acne, cream.  But with the severe outbreak on my chin, I now am using it as anti-acne.  And since they advise not mixing products, I'm not using the Proactiv Repairing Lotion.  But I will if the acne comes back--it's much more irritating, but more effective, than the Azelex.  But I'm hoping the Azelex will prevent new outbreaks, as long as I stay away from the facial exercises that involved touching/massaging the jaw and chin areas.  I also go lighter on the Cerave moisturizer.  But I still need to use an SPF lotion of at least 30; I don't think that's causing outbreaks, but my face is definitely oilier when I use it.  I'm currently using Blue Lizard 30+ sunscreen for sensitive skin.  It has only natural ingredients--zinc oxide and titanium dioxide--which I think is better for my face.  I don't think it causes breakouts, but we'll see.  I use Lancome Renergie Lift makeup, which is FPS 20--OK I think if I'm not going to be doing much outside.  But sun seems to be such a big contributor to aging that I'm trying to be more careful to use stronger (30+) sunscreens if I'm going to be out--which is most days.  Between walking the dog and walking to yoga, I think that's too much for SPF 20.  Cosmetics companies should come up with 30+ makeup so we don't have to add sunscreens.  Just one more layer on the skin that might cause trouble.  Don't care what they say about noncomedogenic--creams and lotions on the face can lad to oiliness, which can lead to breakouts.

It's such a challenge, trying to slow the skin aging while combating acne...I wonder how many other women in their late 50s have this problem?  Makes anti-aging regimes and strategies so much more complicated.  Trying to be more aggressive--using facial massage techniques and facial oil--apparently led to the acne outbreak.  I had started to think I was past that.  The positive side is that I'm less tempted by fancy new products and procedures--they're more likely to mess up my skin than to help it.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Another aging challenge--trigger finger--reared its ugly head--OK, finger, again.  I had a steroid shot a few months ago (see 3/25 post) when my trigger finger locked up, and I wasn't able to unlock it as I had done previously.  Similar problem today, again the result of our unruly dog.  I was sitting with her on the lawn and was holding her leash--in my right hand, to avoid further damage to my left hand (which has not only the trigger but also a jammed finger).  She tried to lunge at a dog, and I had to grab the leash with both hands to keep her back.  My left middle finger immediately locked and would not unlock.  I recalled my finger being stuck for several hours the first time this happened in March, so I asked my son to check the web for tips on what to do.  Not too helpful--said to unlock the finger with the other hand--but that didn't work in these cases.  I know I need a 2nd steroid shot, but since it's Sunday, I won't be able to get one until tomorrow.  (Everything that should get immediate medical attention always happens on the weekend.)   The few remedies listed were--soak in warm water, take ibuprofen or naproxen, and massage the tendon at the base of the finger.  I did all three--nothing worked, at least not right away.  About 1 1/2 hours later, the finger released on its own.  I was massaging the tendon and had taken 2 Alleves, so maybe those ultimately helped.  But it's a very uncomfortable and scary situation.  I suspect I will need surgery, but will go ahead with the 2nd shot, since that's what the orthopedist will recommend.
Aargh!

Meditating and Meniere's Disease

I'm not sure that meditating right after I get up in the morning is working.  Although I haven't had a vertigo attack in several years, my Meniere's disease does cause other problems.  I have trouble walking when I first get up--I stagger as a result of inner ear problems.  Sitting up in a lotus-like position right after I've gotten out of bed is difficult--this morning I felt a bit queasy.  Also doing this on an empty stomach is tough.  Ever since I developed Meniere's, I've noticed that if I haven't eaten in a while I start to feel dizzy.  While this may be common to others, it makes me nervous, because I'm afraid it's a precursor to a vertigo attack.  The attacks, when I was having them, were brutal--it would take several days for me to recover, and just when I was starting to feel better I would have another attack.   So it's always in the back of my mind that the vertigo attacks could recur.  They disappeared almost as mysteriously as they emerged--which means they could return at any time.

And I didn't feel well for a few hours--could it have been the acupuncture?  Who knows?  I did manage to make it to my fourth yoga class this week.  Seems like that's too much for me.  I think I've developed Downward Dog Shoulder...just like the recent NYT article, which noted that yoga-related injuries were on the rise.

I still haven't turned in my yoga teacher training application--the training is pricey, and I haven't yet broached this topic with my husband.  I worry about spending money, now that I'm not employed.  But then I always felt like we didn't have enough money when I was working.  My pitch will be that one has to spend money to earn money--I need the certificate in order to teach yoga.  I have to say something to him, because the first payment is due next week.

Acupuncture

I had my first (and only?) acupuncture session today, as part of a summer yoga package. I looked up acupuncture on About.com; here's what it says:

According to the NIH Consensus Statement on Acupuncture, there have been many studies on acupuncture's potential usefulness, but results have been mixed because of complexities with study design and size, as well as difficulties with choosing and using placebos or sham acupuncture. However, promising results have emerged, showing efficacy of acupuncture, for example, in adult postoperative and chemotherapy nausea and vomiting and in postoperative dental pain. There are other situations--such as addiction, stroke rehabilitation, headache, menstrual cramps, tennis elbow, fibromyalgia, myofascial pain, osteoarthritis, low-back pain, carpal tunnel syndrome, and asthma--in which acupuncture may be useful as an adjunct treatment or an acceptable alternative or be included in a comprehensive management program.

But the only physical symptom I currently have is a somewhat sore right shoulder/rotator cuff.  The acupuncturist did stick some needles in my shoulder and leave them there, but she mainly did a general condition type of treatment, where she stuck pins in and pulled them out.  She said she selected the pinpoints based on my type, which she said was water.  Not sure what type I am; seems like I exhibit aspects of all 5 elements (wood, earth, metal, fire, water).

I don't think my shoulder feels any better; but then, it didn't hurt that much to begin with.  As for whether I'm more balanced as a result of one treatment--not sure.

I can see using acupuncture for a medical condition that defies other treatments.  Since I have Meniere's disease, I briefly looked for information on Meniere's and acupuncture.  According to some information posted to the Meniere's Disease Help Blog, results are mixed and often short term.  I haven't had a vertigo attack since Dec. '06, so I can't test that out.  I do have hearing loss in my right ear, but it goes in and out--so would be tough to isolate any possible effects from acupuncture.  And while I also have tinnitus (the third Meniere's symptom), I only hear the noise when everything else is quiet.  And that's hardly ever in this world.

At $85 per hour session, this isn't something I can afford.  Especially for a more general "tune up" (they don't call it that).  One does feel the pins, in some locations more than others--I'm getting a bit queasy just writing about it.  So it's not like it felt good, or therapeutic, while I was undergoing the treatment.  In a way I didn't feel like I got my money's worth (although it was part of a package, and thus felt like it was free), because she didn't stick in that many pins.  But I wouldn't have wanted a whole hour of pin-sticking... I'd rather have a massge.

When to Meditate

I'm having trouble meditating every day--as I've had in the past when I've tried to meditate on a daily basis. I find if I don't meditate fairly early in the day, I just don't do it. Doesn't seem like setting aside 20 minutes would be that hard, but it is. Because it means finding a time when there won't be any disruptions, or other things to do.

So I've been trying to figure out when's the best time to meditate. Turning to the web, I found three related posts--one from '09, '07 and '93. The '93 post, written by Jeffrey Chance, was a short primer on meditation ("Meditation FAQ"). Meditating is supposed to get easier over time, and as he puts it, "over time, the number of random thoughts occurring diminishes". Not so for me thus far--I seem to have more thoughts.

According to Chance, "most people agree that early morning is the best time to meditate". But he, and the others who've written about meditation, point out that it can be done any time during the day. Early morning seems to work best because households usually are more peaceful, and daily obligations haven't yet kicked in. He also says it's best to meditate before, rather than after, a meal--but doesn't say why. Other tips: meditate at the same time every day in a quiet spot reserved for meditation, and with a straight spine.

That's another issue for me--I'm getting better at being able to sit cross-legged for 20 minutes, but often one leg goes to sleep, and/or my neck and/or back starts to hurt. Maybe that also will get better over time.

So I guess I'll try meditating first thing in the morning. I'm usually up around 5am...or 5:30...OK, 6 if I forget to set the alarm...but my routine has been to drink coffee and read the papers (WSJ and WaPo). And then have breakfast. And then decide to meditate. Then there were the handful of days where I decided I was going to walk every day at 6;30 (or 7) am...

So if I can discipline myself enough to meditate right after I get up (will violate the rule of meditating in a separate place, because my husband will be watching TV near by normal yoga/meditation spot), then I could still walk before it gets too hot. Unless I decide not to.

All this self-discipline--hard for me to stick with it. As evidenced by my blog. But see, I'm starting to write on a daily basis--right after lunch seems to be a good time.

Not to mention my vocal exercises, which I'm trying to do each day.

It's so much easier when I had a job and had built in obligations. But they often end up being artificial--one feels like one's accomplishing something when the calendar is full, but that may or may not be the case. Now I have to create my own meaning and purpose. And find my voice.