osteopenia

Back to aging--I got the results of my dexascan; my bone density has declined from what it was 2 years ago.  The results went to my ob/gyn and my GP--I got a call from the GP's office first, saying there was no need for me to take medication but that I should continue to take vitamin D supplements.  So I was surprised when I spoke with someone at my ob/gyn's office, who said I should take Boniva once a month.  The GP was supposed to call me this afternoon so I could discuss this conflicting advice with her, but she didn't call. I don't want to take Boniva, so won't.  But I guess I should have a dexascan annually now instead of every 2 years.

With everything I do--walking, yoga, pilates, weight lifting, stationary bike--it's disappointing that I'm still losing bone density.  Guess I won't know if it would be worse if I didn't do all this stuff.

sad walk

I didn't walk her in the mornings, my husband did.   But I wanted to take a walk through some of the streets we used to travel.  We learned a lot about our neighborhood on those walks, since we moved here 10 years ago.  That house was torn down; this one did a big renovation that took months; they have a dog; that guy yelled at us for letting Raven sniff his flowers.  It was a sad and lonely walk without her.  And most people out walking had dogs.  Luckily, I didn't run into any of the "dog people" we would run into on our walks.  We're dreading seeing them and having them ask where Raven is.  I practice saying "she's in doggie heaven" but I don't think I'll be able to say it without crying.

When I got home I scrubbed and hosed down her crate and ramp.  We're saving these items for the next dog.  I've already washed her blanket and beautiful green coat, and put away her collars as mementos.  No one else will use those.  And some items I had to throw away--old Nyla bones, chewed-up towels, scruffy tennis balls, peed-on rugs too big to clean.  And then there's her chair.  We talked about getting rid of it once she was gone--she went on it so many times, I stopped trying to clean it.  But it sits there--I'll wait for my husband to say something, since he's the one who said we should throw it out once she was gone.  I don't think he's ready to do that yet.  All of the things I've done have been when he was out of the house.

So I guess I'll have to figure out a different walking routine.  I'm thinking between 5 and 6 pm--after I finish my flute practice but before I have to start dinner.  That's when I walked her when I was working full time.  Not a long walk,  just one to tide her over til the longer after-dinner walk.  I just don't want to run into anyone.  Not yet.

She's home

We brought her ashes back home today; I held the box on my lap and cried as we drove away from the vet's office.  But she's home now, with her family.  This past week I kept staring at the empty place where her crate had been, and wanted to make it less empty.  I took the furniture off the area rug and moved the rug so some of the empty space would be filled in.  But it still looked cold and empty.  So I searched different web sites and found a nice accent table from Pottery Barn to fill a corner of the area.  It looks nice--I added an artificial flower arrangement; my son thought it was a memorial to Raven.  I guess it is.  The place that cremated her took a print of her paw, so I placed that on the table in front of the flowers.  But her urn is on the mantle, along with the urn of my first cat, Casey, who died 4 years before we got Raven.  Raven's urn is black with white steaks, just like she was when she got older.  She's home.

She's gone

I almost sent her back to the shelter--she seemed to be too much to handle.  She bit all the time--very sharp bites--and chewed everything.  The shelter suggested feeding her ice cubes or carrots that had been in the freezer to give her things to chew on.  Worked until the ice cubes and carrots ran out.   She ate two TV remotes, my leather cellphone cover (remeber those?), and chewed holes in blankets and in our leather chair.  The day after we brought her home from the shelter, they called to say they thought we should know she bit someone at the shelter.  I'm not sure what we would have done if we'd known that before we brought her home.  But we had her now, and I tried.   But I felt wimpy giving up on her, so we stuck with it--through chewed fingers and furniture, ruined toys and shredded blankets.  Through near-missses and not-so-near misses with other dogs and people she thought looked threatening.  As an adult she was very protective of us, her family, and kept pretty much everyone who came near the house at bay.  But she loved her walks--miles and miles.  Even as her arthritis grew worse, and through two hip replacements (the doggy equivalent thereof).  I always felt safe with her.  And as she got older, we had to comfort her as she grew fearful of lightening and anything that beeped.  But to the end, she tried to protect us.  Despite not having eaten or barely moved from her bed, she got herself up and ran to the door to bark at the mailman for what would turn out to be the last time.  (I managed to stay dry-eyed until that last line.)

And now she's gone.  She was ill for only 5 days--we and the doctor thought her lethargy and lack of appetite was due to her worsening arthritis.  Last Monday she had great difficulty getting up, and didn't have much of an appetite.  The doctor gave her a cortisone shot and prednisone pills, and we hoped they would make her feel better.  Took a few days, but she did seem to perk up--ate from her bowl, and went on her usual morning, afternoon and evening walks.  Not as far as she often would walk, but good walks nonetheless.  And still on the lookout for every scrap of food she could find.  But then Friday she wasn't moving again.  When I tried to hand-feed her, she took a few bites, then turned her head away from me when I tried to get her to eat more.  Like she was trying to tell me she was fading away.  We planned to take her to the vet again on Saturday if she didn't seem better by the morning.  But she never made it.  And instead on Saturday morning my husband made the sad, final trip to the vet.

Arthritis

Why does this have to surface just as I've turned 60?  Seems like everything age-related happens to me at the typical earliest age, making it more difficult to ignore the fact that I'm getting older.  Turns out my neck pain is being caused by arthritis (called cervical spondylosis).  When I mentioned to the doctor that my jaw was cracking/locking up also, he said I should be checked for TMJ.  He confirmed that I have scoliosis--something no doctor had mentioned until my GP noted it a few months ago.  Apparently the scoliosis is resulting in my neck having to carry more weight than normal.   I'm set to have an MRI next week; after that the doctor said he would be able to tell me what I should/shouldn't do to help the neck pain.

It's possible the headstands I was doing up until about a year ago contributed to the arthritis; who knows.  Arthritis does run in our family, and I do have it in my fingers, so I'll never know for sure.  But I'm guessing I will need to stay away from exercises/poses that put pressure on my neck.  I'm sure the rolling I did on the hard floor at the Y didn't help, either.  I really think yoga instructors need to be more careful when they're teaching in spaces with hard floors--the mats do nothing to protect the spine.

A pain in the neck

My neck (and related areas) has been hurting for 5 months now--something I'm not used to at all.  I'm used to aches and pains, to the extent I have them, going away in a few days.  So it's another adjustment to aging--coping with chronic pain.  I first saw a GP, who sent me to physical therapy.  They didn't do much--mostly measured how much I could turn my head, which was pretty exasperating.  They gave me a few neck exercises, which I've been doing.  But the pain hasn't gone away, so I'll see an orthopedist in a few weeks.  I don't know if whether the cause was whiplash from a car accident I was in (passenger) in late Feb.,  or an awkward yoga roll on the hard floor at the Y (I've stopped taking classes there), or from holding a flute (beginner).  But I'm just not used to things not getting better.  I've continued to do yoga, but don't do headstands--do arm balances instead.

I'm hoping the orthopedist will be able to tell me if it's a disc issue, or a bone spur, or something else.  Maybe he can give me additional exercises to strengthen my upper back, which is weak despite the yoga, pilates and weight lifting.  Or an injection to reduce swelling, if there is some (the right side of my neck feels slightly swollen to me.

Approaching 50 percent grey...

She said it matter-of-factly, so it took a while to process--that my hair is "approaching 50 percent grey". I thought there was only a bit around the front scalp line (and some near the part), but then my hair has been highlighted so long I guess I don't know how much I have.  But I realize the streaks in the back underside aren't hairs that are overly highlighted--they're grey/white.  I'm just not ready to go grey.  I know the new trend is supposedly going natural, but I don't need any help looking older.  So I'm still struggling with the hairdresser's advice that I move from highlights to semipermanent color.   And I've been doing research to figure which at-home products color grey the best (and are easy to use), but I can't figure it out.  And it seems so risky.  Why isn't there a hair product that just covers the grey?