mature hair

When I decided to grow my hair longer, I discovered that my hair texture had changed--more brittle, drier, and duller.  I've been experimenting with hair products--started using B&B coconut shampoo and conditioner as well as Kiel shampoo and conditioner with olive oil.  Trying to make my hair shinier, but in the process it felt flat and somewhat scraggly.  I bought a straightening iron and have tried it a few times--seeing steam rising from my hair at 450 degree setting is not a good thing, I decided.  I don't think my hair was meant for the straight look--the ends looked frazzeled, and small frayed strands stuck out.  And I was using a Remington, which has gotten high marks.  So my latest effort included trying my third new hairdresser--she seems good; knew how to layer my hair without making it too short.  And she recommended Kinerase's line of products for "mature hair".  So I bought the whole line, and will see how that works. I had been looking for a while for "mature" hair products, but without success.  Tried Dove as well as L'Oreal products supposedly designed for older hair, but neither did anything.  I'm still trying to figure out what direction to go with the hair color.  I have had foil highlights for decades--since I was in my 30's--but more gray is appearing.  The new hairdresser suggested semipermanent hair coloring.  I plan to try that in about 6 weeks.  Coloring all my hair makes me nervous--I like the different shades.  She said I would still have varying shades.  We'll see.  For now I want to see if the pricey Kinerase hair products make my hair shinier and repair the split ends while still providing bounce and volune.  We'll see.

Nothing to show for it

I've wanted to play the flute since I was 9.  But we had a clarinet, so I was told I had to play that.  They bought it for my sister, who had stopped playing it, and they weren't about to waste money on another instrument.  Would I have practiced more if I had a flute?  I'll never know.  But I quit the clarinet after a couple of years, and was barely able to practice the piano for 1/2 hour a day.  And then there were the recitals.  At some point during elementary school I developed stage fright, which really has never gone away.  Especially when it comes to music.  And when I can't play something exactly the way I want to; the way it should be played, I get frustrated and give up.  More practice doesn't always help; it just adds to the frustration.

I bought a flute 30 years ago, on a trip to Japan.  A Miramatsu that cost about $400.  I started taking lessons, but traveled so much the teacher gave away my time slot.  On and off since then, I would think about taking lessons, but didn't want to unless I thought I had the time to practice.  I still don't know if I have the perseverance I didn't have when I was younger.

I've been taking lessons for 6 months now, practicing about 1 1/2 hours per day.  Every day, except when I've been away from home.  What's my goal, at my age, for taking up the flute?  I say it's to be good enough to join a community orchestra.  I said I would give myself 2 years to see how I progress.  The problem with playing music is, unless you perform (well) in front of others, you have nothing to show for your efforts.  Not like paintings, or sculptures; even bad ones.  I've played once, in front of people, and got through it, but I was nervous.  Mostly air coming out of the flute, from what I could hear.  Mistakes, but I kept going.   But then I was playing duets, so in essence hiding behind my teacher.  I don't know how it will go the first time I have to play by myself in front of others.  I am practicing more than I've practiced any other instrument except voice, so I'm hoping the repetition, the muscle memory, will help calm the fear.  But the embouchere--it's still a mystery.   The difference between air and a tone is so slight.  And nerves affect it, even when I think I'm not doing anything any differently than when I get a nice warm tone.  Which is rare, but encouraging when it happens.

You stopped cutting your hair...

That's the first thing she said to me the last time I visited her.  Actually, I thought she said "you stopped coloring your hair" so I explained how I was trying to tone down the highlights in my hair and was waiting longer than I normally do to get highlights.  But I realized later she said "cut" not "color".  She was having trouble with her speech; plus I wanted to hear "color" not "cut".  So she didn't like how my hair looked.  She had always complimented me on my cut when it was short; said she thought my hairdresser did a really good job.  But I wanted to grow my hair longer, and was battling with my hairdresser, who kept cutting it too short, with bangs that were too thick.  So I was experimenting with a new hair stylist.  Why should it matter what she thinks, anyway.  It affected my whole visit; I kept fussing with my hair, reminding myself that I feel softer, look more feminine, with it longer.  Why did she have to say it?  I'm a grown woman, who wants one last chance to have long hair before it starts falling out, or getting too thin.  Instead it's what I remember most about that visit.

I did get my hair cut before the memorial service, but not as short as she would have wanted.  Just to make sure it looked neat, with ends that weren't frayed or frizzy.  I'm keeping it longer.  At least for now.

Smile

It doesn't appear very often, and when it does it can be just a slight hint--a brief upturn at the corner of the lips.  Rarely do the teeth emerge.   It doesn't come naturally with a greeting; the look can be neutral or even somber.  So when I do see one, even a brief, fleeting glimpse of one, I take note. But it's important that I do things to help coax it out.  A hug can sometimes do it; a congratulations; an excited, positive reaction to a good grade.  So I look for opportunites to help it emerge, with the hopes that, over time, it will come more easily, more naturally.

Learning Japanese

I feel like I'm treading water, trying to learn Japanese.  Because I'm finding it hard to remember the characters (hiragana--I haven't learned katakana yet) as I work through the Rosetta Stone lessons.  I try to read the sentences rather than listen to them, with mixed success.  I actually think I'll be more use to my family if I can read Japanese--I think it's difficult to speak a language as a beginner once the words are taken out of context.  In other words, when I look at a Rosetta Stone picture I may know what it means, but I'm less able to recall words "out of the blue".  But as my son reminds me, I've only been studying Japanese for a few months.  I do like the fact that Rosetta Stone shows the Japanese kana, rather than romanji (Japanese sounded out using our alphabet).  The only place they don't do that is when we're asked to spell, since we have to type.  I saw an ad for an iPad the other day, and it showed someone drawing a Japanese character--that would be great if Rosetta Stone eventually could teach the kana strokes.

all things Japanese

I'm sitting here eating sushi--left over from a dinner at Shiki Sushi, thanks to Groupon.  The dinner was part of an effort to familiarize my husband and son with Japanese food--in preparation for a possible family trip to Japan next May (2012).  Although I doubt that you can get a Maryland or Ballston sushi roll in Tokyo.  Anyway, we haven't decided whether we'll be able to go--my son, Matt, wants to take summer classes in preparation for his transfer to a 4-year college; the classes start during the period I was hoping we could take our trip.  My idea--it was my idea--was to take a family trip to celebrate Matt's graduation from a 2-year community college.  Seemed like the last 2 weeks in May would be a really good time to go overseas.

Japan was Matt's idea, not mine or my husband's.  I suggested Italy, since it's where my husband's family is from, and neither he nor Matt have been there.  (I, on the other hand, have been many places, including Italy and Japan.)  My husband suggested South America or South Africa--a bit overwhelming, I thought.  Matt mentioned Japan, and I remembered that he's talked about going there--even living there--for years. And I have spent quite a bit of time there, on business travel, so I feel like it's a country I can navigate. 

Ever since we started this discussion a few months ago, we've been doing research and discussing our possible trip to Japan.  I realized that, while I've been there many times, I've never been there on personal travel, so I never had to pay for things.  So we've been looking at airfares, and hotels, and trying to get more airline and hotel points to defray the costs.  Even if we defray those costs, we have to be careful how much we spend in country.  And the yen is so high right now, that's not helping.

Oh, yes, and I bought Rosetta Stone so I could learn Japanese.  Guess I had to have a new project, now that my intensive yoga instruction program is completed.  I know a few words and phrases from my travels, and tried to learn Japanese years ago, but traveled so much I wasn't able to get very far.  And I didn't even try to learn kana--thought it would be too difficult.  But I had bought a Japanese Kana Workbook (that's the name)--so I have gone through the hiragana section and learned them.  I'm having more trouble absorbing the katakana--and I have to keep looking back over the hiragana to keep from forgetting them. 

After the initial enthusiasm, it seems like my son is more apprehensive about the trip.  I think it's because he's worrying more about the transition to a 4-year college.  So we'll see.  If  May 2012 doesn't work out, maybe we'll have to try another year...

I don't want to end up like that...

Not sure having the computer upstairs is the best idea--hard to discipline myself to blog each day.  Had a difficult time visiting my mom--the first time since she moved to a retirement community.  I know everyone (just about0 says this, but I don't want to end up like that...Maybe if seems different if you're on your way down...but at this point I'd rather go before I decline that much.  She didn't make a decision when she could have, so the decision was made for her...she said she wanted to stay in her own home, but wasn't willing to let us put together services that would have enabled her to stay there.  She made it very difficult for us; I hope I make better choices.