FRAUD ALERT!

I am being hounded by robocalls seeking to prey on seniors.  I have reported the following numbers to the Do Not Call Registry and Nomorobo, but the calls continue.  I decided to call each number back--each time I got the same exact recording explaining that they wanted to discuss Medicare benefits and enabling me to opt out.  After opting out of each one,  the robocalls come EVEN MORE FREQUENTLY.  So I'm listing all the caller ID and numbers to make sure no one is taken in by these fraudsters.  And in the hopes that everyone will report these numbers and someone will investigate this web of robocallers and shut them down:

Living Benefit:  301-298-7122
Medlifecho:  440-252-9586
New Medicare:  314-300-0669
Med Supp Line:  470-206-9000
Benefit 4 Seniors:  601-909-9210
Medicare Reports:  501-237-1016
Senior Options:  256-229-3579
Senior Consult:  270-216-4819
Better Solutions:  251-230-2491
Senior Services:  281-581-0891
Medicare Update:  816-227-6124

Two surgeries later...

I know I'm lucky for a lot of reasons--my melanoma was caught early; the medical professionals I'm dealing with are excellent.  But I'm not feeling so perky--after my second surgery on Thursday.  The first surgery, on Aug. 28th, went fairly smoothly, and I was proud of myself for staying quieter during the week so the bandage on my face wouldn't fall off.  As with the surgery last year, the doctor did "purse string" stitches, which generally are temporary.  He did that in case the biopsy indicated that he hadn't gotten all the cancer.  But this time he said there was a chance he wouldn't redo the stitching, since he's already pulled up as much of my skin as he could.  My mouth was pulled slightly up at the left corner, but he said gravity would take care of that.  So I was hoping he might decide not the redo the stitches, so I wouldn't have a 2nd week of recovery.

He said he would call me if he got the biopsy results before my appointment on Sept. 4; he didn't call.  Nor did his office call to postpone the follow-up appointment like they did last year when the results weren't back in time.  I had passing thoughts that maybe he didn't get all the cancer, and that's why he didn't call in advance.

The assistant asked if the doctor had called me with the results; I said no.  Further unease.  And when he walked in, I forget how he started, but I could tell he was working up to the bad news.  Which was that there was more cancer and he'd have to do more surgery.  My main thought was, what if he doesn't get it all this time?  The left cheek area of my face is quite splotchy; it's hard to know what is and isn't cancerous.

The second surgery has been tougher.  First, because the local anesthesia shots really hurt.  REALLY hurt.  I think it's partly because at least one shot was near my lip, which may be more sensitive, and perhaps because some shots were going into skin that hadn't yet healed from the first surgery.  And second, because my face still hurts and itches 3 days later.  Seems like facial muscles are affected--I tried to play my flute, and couldn't get a sound.  And had a great amount of pain in the middle of my left cheek.  And this bandage is much larger, and closer to my mouth, so it's much more difficult to eat.  After the first surgery (and the one last year), drinking milkshakes and frappuccinos worked well for the first few days, so I didn't have to chew.  But this time, sucking through a straw hurt quite a bit--through the same mid-cheek area that hurts when I try to play the flute.

I did take a walk today--the assistant told me that was the most I should do for exercise for a week.  I told him I had ridden my exercise bike last week (while recovering from the first surgery); he said it wasn't a good idea to do anything that would raise my heart rate.  I may still ride the bike in a few days, but not pedal very hard, just to get some quad work in.   I'm also lifting weights and doing some yoga.  It's hard to spend 2 weeks without exercise.

This time, he did use the double stitching, in the hopes that the margins would be clean this time.  I'm not sure I could go through this a third time.  At least not a third time in 3 weeks.

Another round...

I got my biopsy results today--melanoma.  Near the same area where I had the surgery to remove melanoma nearly a year ago.  I was hoping it wasn't, of course, and tried powers of positive thinking to tell myself it wasn't cancer.  But think about it--once my doctor took the biopsy last Wednesday, the die was cast.  It either was or wasn't cancer at that point.  No subconscious thinking could change the outcome at that point.

Just as with the last time I got the call with the biopsy results, I could tell the test was positive, from the way it took them a while to get to the results.  I couldn't tell what exactly he said (other than "melanoma")--it was partly his accent, and perhaps partly that my mind was still focused on the word melanoma.  He did say it was in the early stage, and that I should have surgery as soon as possible.  But he didn't say it was "in situ" like the last time.  I think he gave some dimensions (I wouldn't understand that, anyway; the sizes are so small.  And he may have said stage 1.  But I'm not sure.  Probably.

I called the surgery center as soon as I got off the phone with the dermatologist's office, but they said I couldn't schedule the surgery until they received the report from my dermatologist.  This was at 12:30pm; by 3:00pm they still didn't have the report, so I called the dermatologist's office (the guy said "as soon as possible," after all).  He (same guy who gave me the results) said they were busy with patients and hadn't gotten to it.  So much for "as soon as possible".  But soon after I got off the phone, the surgery center called and said they had the report.  They said the first available surgery appointment was August 28--3 weeks from now.  That date actually works well with my schedule, but how do doctors define "as soon as possible"?  I told her I was OK with that date, but did it meet the ASAP definition.  She said yes.  Maybe I'll google and see what the definition of ASAP is when you have stage 1 melanoma.  As I said, at least the date works well with my schedule...

Waiting for Samsung...

I got a gift note from my husband last Christmas that said:  "one tablet".  I figured it would be easy to find a tablet that I liked.  I wanted to get an Android tablet, to be compatible with my phone.   Samsung was supposed to be coming out with new tablets in early spring, and I was willing to wait.

Since early spring, Samsung has come out with at least 3 sets of new tablets--each with ca. 8, 10, and 12-inch screens.  Initially I wanted to get the Samsung Galaxy Tab Pro 10.1.  It first came out in March, I believe--but only in wireless.  The PR announcements said the tablets would be available on the wireless networks, including Verizon, a few months late.

I've waited and waited, and still no Galaxy Tab Pro 10.1 on the Verizon network.  At this point, I've stopped checking the Internet and stopping in at Verizon stores to see when they might come in.  They have no idea.

Meanwhile, Samsung keeps coming out with new sets of tablets--I can't even remember what the latest set is called.  But nothing I want is available on the Verizon wireless network.

And in the meantime, it's starting to look like tablets are becoming passe.  Sales are down, and phones are getting bigger.  People are again buying laptops.

Whatever reason Samsung has for not moving its tablets quickly to the Verizon network, that strategy may have backfired big time.  Seems like the tablet craze came and went, and I never got the chance to get in on the craze before it petered out.

Guess I'll either wait for the next big phone, or get a new laptop.  Or both.

Another biopsy...

It's been nearly a year since my skin cancer surgery, and I was going reflect on how things were going.  And take a photo to see how the scar was progressing.  But I've been noticing that the skin on the left side of my face, near the surgery site, was developing new splotches.  So today, and my 3-month checkup with the dermatologist, she noted that one splotch had gotten bigger and darker, so she did a biopsy.  She measured and will monitor another splotch on my face, as well as one on my clavicle.

She didn't say, but I'm guessing that the odds aren't good--melanomas recur, and the fact that the biopsied splotch is near the original melanoma site can't be a good sign.   I know I'm trying to be more optimistic about things, but this one's hard.

I'll find out in about a week.  If it's melanoma, I'll need surgery again.  Around the same time as last year.  This time I want to avoid having the surgery the day before I go to the beach.  We'll see--depends on the surgeon's schedule...

I stopped by Starbucks on my way home and got an orange mango smoothie.  I thought it would cheer me up.  And I can watch our new kittens fighting with each other.  At least I'm teleworking today; I need to keep the bandage on for 24 hours.

Hasn't Anyone Figured Out What Women Want in Purses?

Why do purse manufacturers still make cellphone pockets?  When was the last time most of us had phones that actually fit in those pockets?  I'm talking Tory Burch Kate Spade Michael Kors Coach--you name it.  I have yet to find a purse with a pouch that will fit my Galaxy S4.  It's not like I'm the only woman who owns a smart phone.  My current purse, a very nice Coach, does have a wider pocket, but it's not deep enough for my smart phone.  So I try to find something else to put in it.  I try keys, but they fall out.  The pocket isn't long enough to fit my glasses.  So there it sits, mostly empty.  The inside zip pocket always has been, and always will, be for lipstick and small compact.  Because no one wants lipstick rolling around loose in her purse--too much risk of smearage.

And did I mention size and weight?  I'm not lugging around a suitcase--it's a purse that should be large enough to hold the following:  Galaxy S4 smartphone; two pairs of glasses (reading and sun); small wallet; keys; lipstick and compact.  And it has to have an outside pocket/pouch for small papers/shopping lists.  THAT'S IT.  Versatile crossbody is best, so I can be hands free, but use a smaller handle when I want.  Most of the small purses are too narrow--they won't fit the phone and glasses (and I have the thinnest glasses possible), and most of rest of the purses are like black holes inside.  Everything clumps together in a deep chasm that requires one to rummage around and find, by feel, what you're looking for.

I've been looking at purses on line and found three I really like--Kate Spade Cobble Hill Little Curtis; Coach MiniBorough; and Coach Madison Chain Crossbody.  Sizes seem manageable--the Coach Madison is narrower, but might work as an evening purse.  It has slits for credit cards, so no need for the small wallet, which saves space.  But back to the Can Purse Makers Please Find Their Way Into the 21st Century:  The Kate Spade Little Curtis (10x8 1/2-5) has "double side pockets" inside.  Message to potential buyer:  these pockets are too small for a smart phone, but we don't care; see if you can figure out why we still insist on having these, and what will fit without falling out.  WE DARE YOU!

 The Coach Mini Borough 9 1/2 x 6 3/4 x 3) has "inside open pockets"--at least they don't call them cellphone pockets.  One pocket looks longer than the other; hard to tell if it's long enough for my 6" phone.  The smaller pocket looks suspiciously like a cellphone-sized pocket.  They don't give the inner pocket dimensions, so this one I would have to test in person.    The third purse, the Coach Madison Chain Crossbody (8 1/2 x 5 1/2) has no depth measurement, which means it's thin.  But because they have 8 pockets for credit cards and other thin items, the interior looks more modern.  The issue will be whether it's wide enough for my phone (which is nearly 1/2 inch thick with the Otterbox case) and two pairs of glasses.  If it's an evening purse, I don't need the keys.  And, OK, maybe not the sunglasses. But I do need the reading glasses.

The Kate Spade has one edge over the Mini Borough--it has an exterior zip pocket (Yay!); the Mini Borough does not (sigh).  The Mini Borough does have multiple zip closures--maybe that will help compensate for the lack of exterior pocket.  The Kate Spade is $100 cheaper, though ($278 vs $378). The smaller Coach Madison Chain Crossbody is $198.

Why can't anyone make the perfect purse?

61 and counting?

I glanced through an article in this week's Health and Science section of the Washington Post, entitled "the Years Lost to Cancer".  I scanned through the list and found melanoma.  The I looked at the column that said "median age at diagnosis and death".  Median age at diagnosis:  61.  That's my age, and the age I was diagnosed with melanoma.  The median age at death?  69.  I didn't look at, or understand, some of the other data.  Like "in millions of years of life lost"--.15 for melanoma.  Too remote and abstract for me.  But age 69 is a real number, and only 8 years away.  OK, they don't say what kind of melanoma diagnosis, and they don't say what percentage of people who get melanoma die from it.  I'm assuming the number 69 refers to:  of those who died from melanoma, the median age was 69.  All the char shows is number of deaths in 2010 (9 thousand) compared to number of new cases (68 thousand).  Those two statistics aren't related; I don't know why they are juxtaposed.

Anyway, part of me assumes I'll live to be about 90, since both my parents did (my mother died 2 months after turning 90, my father 3 months before he would have turned 90).  But then again, neither of them were diagnosed with cancer when they were 61.

Sorely Tested

I know I said this year I would focus on staying positive; on paying attention to the thoughts in my head and gently redirecting them if they turned negative.  But everything fell apart during the crisis.  None of the techniques that work when one is fairly calm worked.  I would meditate, and find myself sobbing partway through the meditation.  Don't think ahead, I told myself.  Don't project dark thoughts into the future.  As the crisis subsided I was a little less panicked, but it threw me.  And now it's hard not to think about when the next crisis would hit.  I was beginning to think there wouldn't be another crisis; beginning to have real hope for the future.  But now we're shaken and are trying to regroup.  I can't tell myself to be positive, because I don't know what that means.  Thinking that everything will work itself out; will be just fine, doesn't work.  So now I tell myself to stay in the moment.  Don't think forward, don't think back.  But it's hard.

Will Black Ever Be Back?

Or, conversely, will people ever get tired of stainless steel appliances?  When we bought our house, I had stainless steel appliances all picked out, after looking through a magazine the builder had given me.  Then I saw an ad for a special cleaner to get off all the fingerprints from the stainless steel appliances...so I reconsidered.  I decided it would be too difficult to keep stainless steel clean, so I opted for black.  Stainless steel was a passing fad, anyway, I told myself.  Too sterile and antiseptic.  People would tire of the look and the upkeep.

That was 12 years ago, and stainless steel still is everywhere.  At least if you believe any magazine that has pictures of kitchens in them.  Occasionally you may see a fridge and/or dishwasher that are covered to match the cabinetry, but the stove/oven are always stainless steel.  And usually Wolf.  I have never seen a kitchen with black appliances in any magazine I've looked at in the past 12 years, at least.

I liked watching the Sopranos, because they had an upscale house and black kitchen appliances.  When was that, the early to mid 2000s?  But we rewatched the entire series recently, and I noticed that at some point, toward the last seasons, the black appliances disappeared.  They were replaced by a combo of cabinet-matching and stainless steel appliances.  Sigh.

And once recently on House Hunters International, a couple looked at a model condo that had black appliances--I thought it looked really nice.  They purchased a condo in that complex, but agreed that the black appliances would need to be upgraded to stainless steel.

A few months ago, I was scouting out appliances in anticipation of at least some of ours nearing their useful life.  I asked him about stainless steel vs black--he said about half of purchases were now for black, up from what it was a few years ago.  But the fact is, stainless steel is more expensive, and everyone knows it.  So I don't think they're going anywhere, unfortunately.

Our microwave was the first appliance to die, and I considered stainless.  But it's hard to change just one appliance, and we have no reason to buy all new appliances.  So I stuck with black, and even downgraded from the Kitchenaid we had to a plain GE (not even GE Profile).  They're all made by the same manufacturer, but Kitchenaid is considered more upscale.  But the GE cost only about $350 as opposed to $500+.  And all we do is reheat stuff.  It works fine (although I'm annoyed that if you hit a button it automatically runs for that amount of minutes on High; you have to press "cook time" first to get less than a minute and/or 90 percent heat.

I think about "black vs stainless" because if we ever decided to sell the house, I'm sure the realtor would note that black appliances are a negative.

Someone needs to come up with a shade of black that's just as expensive as stainless--call it onyx.  Something posh.  So I can keep my black appliances without second-guessing.

The Year of Positive Thinking

I've struggled with this my whole life.  From an early age, it seems, the thoughts in my head were negative.  I wish I had learned about cognitive behavior therapy, and the fact that you can train your brain toward positive.  But I didn't learn of that until many years later--in the past 15 years.  Even though I did have therapy when I was in my mid-20s, I don't remember the focus on thought patterns.

I remember my sister saying to me, "why do you always have to be so negative;" probably when I was a teenager.  I used to tell myself that assuming things would not go well was a way of protecting me--so that if things didn't go well, I wouldn't be disappointed.  But I didn't realize that negative thinking can influence outcomes--that is, influence behavior related to outcomes.

I've noticed since I stopped working full time that my mind is freer to think.  But the trend has started to be that it retrieves negative incidents from my past.  For now when I notice that, I start repeating "be positive" over and over.  As much to block out the negative as to try to replace the negative with positive.

I know people are wired differently; some people are like me, with the wiring tilting toward negative.  I've decided to make a concerted effort this year to keep my thoughts positive.  The start is to notice the negative and redirect.  This week hasn't been easy, because I've been sick with the flu (despite getting a flu shot) and feel low as a result.

The tricky thing about positive thinking is, I think it has to focus on keeping a positive outlook, but recognizing you can't control all outcomes.  Especially outcomes involving others.  For example, a recent magazine article (Real Simple) suggests visualizing yourself 10 years from now, with positive images.  How do you be positive while still being realistic?  I'm not going to visualize myself living in a mansion, for example.  But it gets harder when visualizing how things will be for my son 10 years from now.  I know what I want for him--so I'll visualize those.  And of course, I hear a voice saying, "but what if they don't happen?"  And there's the rub.

Mall-Free Christmas

I haven't set foot inside a shopping mall this Christmas season; I've done virtually all of my shopping on  line.  For the first time.  And it feels great, not to have to deal with finding parking and coping with crowds.  Not to mention trying to find something I think my husband and son will like, that will fit.  At the same time it feels weird, like I'm cheating by not having to put up with crowded malls.

Okay, I've been in a mall once since Thanksgiving, because we went to a movie there.  So I stopped by Macy's to buy a couple of boxes of Christmas cards.  They're getting harder and harder to find.  But I like getting them--I tape them around the archway to our family room--so I'll keep sending them.

I didn't plan to do everything on line.  I did buy the main items from Amazon right after Thanksgiving; I was planning to do the rest of the shopping at a local mall.   I was going to go to Nordstrom on my way home from teaching yoga last Monday, but started looking at Nordstrom's web site and realized I could get exactly what I wanted for my husband.  Shipped for free.  I knew the brand and the size, based on prior purchases I've made, and it was so much easier than hunting through the men's store.  I also relied on the LLBean website--again, because I'd bought items for them in the past, and knew what types and sizes to get.  OK, I'm taking a risk with my son, hoping he'll like the latest purchases.  I even bought the chocolate santas from Godiva on line; I couldn't bear the thought of going to the mall just to get a couple of things at Godiva.  Everything was free shipping except the Godiva.  But the Godiva website had a couple of offers that reduced the price of the items and of the shipping.

I did buy a couple of things for my cat the old-fashioned way, but I got them from pet stores.  In strip malls, which don't count malls, at least by my definition. My cat, Pooh, was named "pet of the week" in a local e-newspaper, and I received a $25 gift certificate from one specialty store.  So I bought Pooh a fancy waterfall-style (electric) water dish.  It was virtually the only cat item in the store, which otherwise is for dogs.  It was pricey; when I got home I checked the Amazon website and found I could have gotten it for about $25 cheaper if I'd bought it on line.  So the gift certificate was a wash.  And if history is any gauge, Pooh will hate the waterfall fountain and refuse to use it.  But he'll love the box.

Ashtanga Not for Me?

I attended an interesting yoga workshop yesterday on something called Mysore Yoga.  Based on Ashtanga (more about that later), Mysore classes are not instructor-led.  Instead, the student arrives any time during the hours the practice is available, and does his or her yoga.  A lead instructor and some assistants are available to guide students individually.

This practice just became available in the studio where I take yoga classes (and where I received my 200-hour yoga teacher training).  I've been wondering if it's something that would work for me, with its flexible arrangement (it's open from 5:30-8am M-F, and a little later on Sunday.  You pay by the month, rather than by the class,  so if you go several times a week you get the most for your money.

But I'd been reluctant to go, not knowing how it operated.  The instructor asks that new students contact her first, so she can guide them when they get there.  But I still wanted to know more in advance--how do students know what to do?

Some of my takeaways from yesterday's workshop:

- You do the yoga in a prescribed sequence, which builds up over time.  But it always starts with 10 Sun Salutations--5 A, 5 B.  Right there, that's a problem for someone with low bone density--that means you're doing 20 deep forward folds just to start, putting pressure on the spinal discs.  I can do this, I say to myself.  But should I.  And every day?  What if I don't want to start that way?

- The room is heated to between 78 and 80 degrees, and they don't want you to drink water during the practice.  There's a philosophy behind this, and it's also a tenet of Bikram and other types of hot yoga.  The idea being that you want to build up your body heat, and water will dissipate that.  Is this really medically sound?  Add in the ups and downs of Sun Salutation, and I may end up getting dizzy.  I've found that water helps keep me from getting nauseous.  They say they will let you drink water (as in "leave the room to get water") if you have a medical reason for doing so.  But I'm still skeptical of this whole approach.  Why do they want me to work up a sweat?  How is this supposed to help with Enlightenment?

- YOU DO THE SAME THING EVERY DAY.  I know the practitioners would chafe at that description, but it's so different from the classes I teach and take, where the idea is to be creative and come up with new movements and combinations.  To keep things interesting, and so you're not working the exact same muscles in the exact same sequence every time.  What if I don't want to do revolved triangle?  Ever, as a matter of fact, since I heard that someone dislocated her hip trying to do the prescribed Iyengar alignment.  Is it medically sound to do the same sequence every day?

So while there is flexibility in terms of when you do your practice (within the prescribed morning hours), and you go at your own pace--appealing to those of us who are tired of the same class times and instructors--the practice itself is prescribed.  An alternative is the open session, where everyone shows up and does whatever they want.  But then why pay for that?

So there are some good reasons why I shouldn't do this sort of practice, but it still has an appeal--because I like to think I COULD do it.  Even though it's probably not a good idea.  I'll do some research ("google") to see what I can find out from relatively objective sources.

Get Up Off Your Butt...

That's what I said to myself during a flute duet last night.  I wasn't playing well, and had to tough my way through it.

My performance image is of the figure skater who falls, then gets back up and continues her routine.  Especially the skater who nails a difficult jump after the fall.  Not the skater who doesn't fall.  Because much as I would like to be, I'm not someone who performs flawlessly.  Do any of those skaters just want to stay seated on the ice, call it quits while they're behind (literally as well as figuratively)?  I came close to doing that last night.  But I finished, not without more mistakes, though.  Hopefully my next performance will be better.  I'd like just once not to have to get up off my butt.
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The Latest Gadget (Conair Infiniti Pro heated hairbrush)

Who says I don't buy things?  I'm always looking for products to deal with my aging hair--and I'm sure I'm not alone.  I'm trying to keep it medium length (as opposed to really short the way a lot of older women have their hair), but my hair texture is much different than it was.  With the wrong (as in most) hair products, my hair will be coarse and frizzy.  I learned some time ago that the best way to dry my hair is with a heated brush--that way I can style it while it's drying.  As recommended, I use a regular blow dryer to dry my hair about 80 percent, then use the heated brush to dry the ends and style them in the process.  I was using a John Frieda brush, which works well.

If you look at how hair stylists dry hair, they have a blow dryer in one hand and a round brush in the other, and control the hair with the brush as they dry it.  But I find that too difficult to do; hence the heated round brush.

I read about the Infiniti in the Wall Street Journal a few days ago; an article about some of the latest hair stying gadgets, and what was popular in different parts of the country.  What caught my attention about the Infiniti is that you can press a lever that makes the brush spin as you're using it to dry and style your hair.  I don't know of another heated brush that does that (my John Frieda doesn't).  Without a spinner, you have to try to spin the brush yourself, which I can't do very well.  The WSJ article said the Infiniti is popular among Hispanic women in Miami--to deal with thick wavy hair.  Sounds like my hair, I thought.

So of course I had to get myself an Infiniti, even though I have a perfectly fine brush now.  I planned to order it from Amazon, but they happened to have it at CVS, and I had a 20 percent off coupon, so I bought it there the same day I read about it.

I've used the brush once--the spinner is cool, but takes some getting used to.  Depending on how you're holding your hair in the brush, you have to spin it either clockwise or counterclockwise.  If you pick the wrong direction the hair flies away from the brush.  I had a little trouble picking the correct spin, but did it correctly most of the time.  The spinner (and fairly large brush) make the hair puffier, but also easier to keep straight.  My hand did get tired from holding the spinner lever, though.  The brush doesn't really work unless it's spinning.

It's been 2 days since I used the brush; my hair isn't as full, but does still look straight--the waviness hasn't reemerged, as it usually does.  So I will definitely continue to use this product.  Until a newer gadget comes along...

They Deserted Me

The conventional wisdom is that clothing retailers target people 25-45 years old (or so) because they're the spenders.  But I (barely into my 60s) would spend more on clothes if I could find ones I like.  But over the years, almost as soon as I find a brand, or a store, or an item of clothing, that I really like, the item or brand disappear, and the store changes its fashion line and moves away from styles I like.

Take Episode, for example.  I loved their clothes--very plush silks, long flowing designs.  I still wear items I bought at their DC store about 25 years ago.  Around the same time, stores like Saks Fifth Avenue also carried the Episode brand.  But then Episode disappeared--the brand as well as the store--and I had to regroup.  For a while I really liked Talbots--well made, reasonably priced clothes--but I won't shop there any more.  The styles look like they're trying to compete with ATL, but not at ATL prices.  If you're going for trendy, then price the clothes at a point where a customer won't get upset if it only lasts a year or two.

I really liked Sigrid Olsen clothes--one of her sweaters is still my favorite.  A small boutique near my house used to sell her clothes; so did Nordstrom.  Then the clothes started to disappear.  She was bought out by Liz Claiborne and then at some point dumped.  (I once bought a pair of Liz Claiborne pants; the button fell off as I put them on.  I never bought another Liz Claiborne item--I figured they had poor quality control.)

I've already mentioned that the pair of Cambio jeans I bought at Nordstrom some years ago is (are) the best pair I've ever had.  But Nordstrom no longer carries the Cambio brand.   NYDJ jeans are good, but more iffy in terms of fit (there are so many options--some are much longer than others).

And a few days ago I tried to buy some more fleece turtleneck pullovers from L.L. Bean, only to find that LLB no longer sells them.

I'm the same size I was 25 years ago--actually, I'm the same, but the clothing sizes keep getting larger, so I wear a smaller and smaller size.   In some cases I'm down to a size 0; maybe in a few years I'll be in negative numbers.  The first and only time I tried Chico's, I was told I'd be a size 0 in their store, and they didn't have many of those--I'd have to look around.   Apparently "mature" in retail clothing lingo means "fat".

So clothing retailers have created a self-fulfilling prophecy--designing trendy (short, tight, low-cut, often flimsy) clothes that someone like me finds less appealing.   And assuming that everyone over 50 is overweight and will enjoy wearing large colorful tent-like outfits.   Thus I spend less than I otherwise might if I could find more that I liked.  Clothing makers and retailers they were right not to target me as a customer.  And instead I divert my dollars into yoga clothes, yoga workshops, spa treatments, travel, music lessons.  Well, maybe I'd still do those things, too.

One Month Later

I think my facial scar looks a little less raised after using ScarAway for 1 month; it's hard to tell from the photos.  The one on the left is from a month ago; the one on the right is from today.  OK, so they're blurry and I look yellow, but when I looked at the two photos on my phone, I thought to scar in today's photo look slightly less pronounced.  Of course, we don't know what the scar would look like if I weren't using the silicone strips--one assumes there would be some healing, but maybe more of a ridge. Good thing I decided to only take photos once a month.

I'm Thankful I Decided not to Baste the Turkey

Searching the Internet can be helpful, but you have to know when to stop.  Because if you keep searching, you will find information and advice that contradicts everything you researched previously.  So it is with advice on cooking a turkey.  And I had already narrowed it down to:  roast in an oven, no brining.  Brining probably is good, but I'm supposed to be on a low-sodium diet, and brine would infuse the turkey with a salty solution--that's what brine is.  And I'm not going to deep-fry; I don't deep-fry anything.

I searched recipes on a couple of sites (allrecipes.com and delish.com) and found one on allrecipes.com that got a high rating.  It called for pouring turkey broth in the bottom of the pan and basting the turkey ever 1/2 hour.  I started having second thoughts after I found out I was supposed to take it easy after yesterday's surgery.  And when I googled "should I baste or not," the sources seemed to agree that basting does nothing for the turkey meat, only the skin.  And opening the oven door every 1/2 hour wreaks havoc on the roasting, they said.  So scratch that recipe.  This was yesterday, so I had to find an alternative recipe quickly.

The next area with a range of opinions is:  "at what temperature should I roast the turkey".   Some sources say 350 degrees; some say 325.  The recipe that came with my locally-bred turkey calls for roasting it at 400 for the first 1/2 hour, then 350 for 2 hours, then 225 for the last 1 1/2 hours.  Too complicated, I thought.  And those times are for a 15-lb turkey; mine is 11 pounds.  And I never know how long anything will cook in my oven--it seems to cook fast.  So if you're off with the times, the turkey will be overcooked.  So I'm going with 325 the whole time.  I'm tenting, and hopefully will make a good decision on when to take off the aluminum.

I don't hesitate about the debate over whether to stuff the turkey or not--I stuff.  The stuffing doesn't taste nearly as good if you bake it outside the turkey.  People are too finicky about bacteria, anyway.  You need some germs to build up your resistance.

I went with very basic stuffing--bread, onions, celery, sage and pepper.  One year I tried chestnut stuffing, and I tore up my fingers trying to work with the chestnuts.  Back to simplicity--similar to the stuffing my Mom made.  It's one of the dishes she made that I really liked.

I have no idea whether this turkey will be any good.  But once I got it in the oven, all I have to worry about is whether it will cook faster than it's supposed to and throw off the rest of the schedule (mashed potatoes and green bean casserole).

Pin Cushion

I went to the dermatologist today to have the remainder of my precancerous mole removed.  I assumed she would freeze the area and take whatever she didn't get when took a sample for the biopsy.  I didn't think anything of the fact that they had me lie down; I figured it made it easier for her to zap the area (left chest area).  I realize now the assistant said the doctor would do surgery, but it didn't register--that's what they do at the surgery center I went to; I didn't think my dermatologist did that kind of surgery.

The first steps were the same as with freezing--clean with alcohol, and then inject a local anesthesia (or whatever they use).  But in the course of the procedure, I could feel tugging--I realized she was sewing stitches.  So I mentioned she was doing more than I expected--she said the mole went beneath the skin, which is why she did surgery.  I now have two layers of stitches--one internal, one external--just like I did for the surgery on my face.  (She mentioned that she "doesn't do faces"--so it's not that she doesn't do surgery.)   And I'm supposed to take it easy for 48 hours.  Which seems to mean no heavy lifting--but they did say I should get help with the Thanksgiving cooking.  I figure I'll get the guys to do the mashed potatoes; the turkey's too complicated to explain--I'm still trying to figure out which tips to follow.

The external stitches don't dissolve; I have to go back in next Wed. to have them removed.  The internal stitches dissolve.  In the meantime, I have to clean the would every day and keep it covered.  So now I have my second set of stitches in 3 months.  I'm starting to feel like a pin cushion.

That Day

I was on patrol.  It was a big deal in our school to be a patrol girl.  For one thing, you got to leave school early--at least 15 minutes early; I don't remember exactly how much earlier.  As a group of us were leaving the building, we noticed that American flag out front was at half mast.  We figured someone really important must have died, for them to lower the flag.  The principal?  No, maybe the superintendent.  Maybe even the governor?

I took my spot near the curb, near one of the exits where the kids would soon come streaming out.  Across the street were homes; many kids would be walking into the neighborhood; I was there to help make sure they safely crossed the street.

Everyone who came out that day said something similar--the President's been shot; President Kennedy's been assassinated.  I didn't believe any of them--not one of them.  You know how rumors can get started in grade school--soon everyone's saying the same thing.  And these were young kids, what do they know, anyway?  Lincoln was assassinated; modern people don't get assassinated.  OK, I knew there were two other presidents who'd been assassinated, but who were they, anyway.  We all knew Lincoln.  (Why are some people "assassinated", while others are "killed", I would ask my mother later that day.)

One of the kids from my sixth grade class walked by, and also told me the President had been shot.  I told him I didn't believe him.  He lived across the street from the school, and his mother was standing in the front yard, within yelling distance.  He called over to her to ask if it was true that the President had been shot; that he was dead.  She nodded yes.  So then I knew.  An adult had said so.

Five years later, I was waking up and heard something on the radio about Bobby Kennedy and a brain injury.  I immediately thought--I'll bet he's been shot.  No hesitation, no disbelief.  Yes, I was five years older, but I also reflected later how much had changed in those five years that made it so easy for me to believe another Kennedy had been shot.

We lost a great deal that day in November.

Speed

I don't really know if I'll be able to play faster.  I'm working on Andersen Eighteen Studies for the flute; the first three etudes went fine.  I did one each week, and practiced enough so I could play them well at my lesson.  But last week, when I played the fourth etude,  my teacher said I should play it another week and play faster.  I know she had played it at a tempo faster than I took it, but I was playing at the tempo I felt I could handle--that is, play it correctly.

I don't really know what the best strategy is for playing faster while maintaining accuracy.  As soon as I speed up beyond my comfort (competency?) level,  I start making mistakes.  Playing fast badly doesn't seem like a good strategy--but I guess I have to go through that process if I want to get to the next level of competency.

This week I set the metronome at quarter note=138, and tried to keep playing through the mistakes.  I found that my right fingers, especially R3 (right ring finger), were having trouble keeping up.  And I was feeling considerable pain in my right hand--around R2 as well as my thumb.  To help with the right hand fingering, I placed cotton-filled plastic cream holders in between each finger to stabilize them; that helped a bit.  But I'm not there yet--I can't play at that tempo without making mistakes.  There's one fairly large segment (the middle) where I especially have problems; I practiced those 14 measures more often, but it's not as simple as just fixing certain passages.  It's also the cumulative effect of trying to play 64 measures, all eighth notes, at an allegro animato tempo without making a mistake.

I really don't know whether my fingers are up to it.  And I don't know if I'm being a pessimist/defeatist or a realist in saying so.