Cataracts...

Yesterday was a lost day, until dinner.  I went to see an opthamologist--I had been going to an optometrist but decided I should go to an MD, with my aging eyes and the fact that I have only one good eye (I have amblyopia).  My glasses are less than a year old, but I'm having trouble driving at night--can't read any of  the road signs, and driving on I-66 is scary; a blur of lights.  So I learned that I have cataracts in both eyes--not too thick at this point, but with my already-poor vision, my nearsightedness had worsened pretty rapidly (since last May).  I'm really glad I went to an opthamologist--who knows whether the optometrist would have spotted anything.  I could get stronger prescription glasses, but given how quickly my eyes have deteriorated. I'd probabay have to change prescriptions fairly frequently.

So I've decided to have cataract surgery on my good eye in the end of May--they say to wait until the cataract "affects your lifestyle".  Not being able to read road signs, and having difficulty driving at night seem to me more than "lifestyle" inconveniences.  I'm sure I'll be nervous, since it's the only eye I can see out of.  But these operations are done so frequently, I have to believe everything will be fine.  They put in an artifical lens to replace the damaged one, and the lens can correct my astigmatism and my near-sightedness. But not the reading--one lens can't do it all.  The doctor gave me more info on that than I could handle; I took some brochures about the different lens options and will talk to him again before the surgery.  Sound like I'd have to have the new lens and then laser surgery to fix everything.  But I've always been reluctant to have laser surgery, in case something were to go wrong.  Since I have only one eye I can see out of.

I guess I'm on the young side to have cataracts, and I don't have the usual risk factors that I can tell (diabetes, smoking, poor diet).  Another reminder that I'm aging.  My mom's 30 years older than I and just had cataract surgery this past spring.  But then she waited too long--who knows how many years they'd been developing.  In the meantime she also developed macular degeneration, so it's hard to know how much her surgery helped her.   Fortunately, my macula is fine--but I do want to talk to the doctor about preventive measures for that.  Not treatable like cataracts are.

I was wiped out by the time I got home--my (good right) eye was very tired, and the dilation (not to mention the aftermath of the bright lights shining in my eyes) was giving me a headache.  I put sunglasses on inside, lay down and listened to TV.  Took several hours for my eyes to feel better--and I'm sure this is taking an emotional toll, although I'm trying not to dwell on that.  At least it's fixable--I was afraid I had some age-related problem that wasn't correctable.  So I'm grateful that it's just cataracts.

Meditation--trying it again

I'm trying again to meditate daily.  And also to practice yoga in the morning, after meditating (OK, and after going to Starbucks and drinking a tall mocha).  I've learned that if I don't meditate pretty early in the day, I'll find too many reasons not to--and/or I won't have the time without being interrupted.  For about a week now I've been meditating for 20 minutes, around 7:10-7:30am.  At that point I'll have read the paper (or papers if the WSJ turns up, but it usually doesn't), and my husband will be back from walking the dog.  So he'll be upstairs getting dressed, the dog will be (relatively) calm, and my son won't be up yet.  And I know when my 20 minutes is up because his alarm will go off around 7:29.  I'm sure it's against some meditation rule to mark time with a blaring alarm, but works for me--I don't end up opening my eyes after 15 minutes, and then opening them again about every minute lest I go beyond 20.  Which is all I can tolerate.  My mind gets so noisy--today I went over some dialogue from a listening session I had a few days ago with some parents whose young adult children have a mental illness; thought about what to cook for Sunday dinner, went over yoga teaching techniques in my head...and those are the ones I can remember.  I have a hard time redirecting to the mantra and breathing.  As I continue longer I'll see if my mind calms down.  At least for 20 minutes...

Learning new things...

I got a burst of energy a few weeks back and decided I wanted to learn to speak Spanish and to play the flute.  But are long-standing interests, especially the flute.  I bought a Murumatsu flute in Japan in the early '80s, and took lessons when I lived in Hawaii.  But I traveled so much, the teacher gave my spot to someone else.  Unlike piano, where I have enough background to play on my own, I feel I need to take flute instruction to make sure I'm doing things correctly.  But I'm not very adept at piano, so I've decided I should concentrate on that for a while.  And with all of the requirements for yoga training coming due--lesson plans, special project, practice teaching, exam--I decided to hold off on either new endeavor.  It's like I always have to have something new---but have difficulty sustaining interest and hanging in there when things get more difficult.  Like the piano, where towards the end I came to hate practicing.  And I wanted to play the flute, but had to take clarinet because we owned one (my sister's), so that lasted only a few years.  I try not to think of past experiences, but it's hard to find enough new things to crowd out the old thoughts.  And the Spanish would help with volunteer activities--it is and will be a prevalent language around here.

YogaChunks

I'm starting to practice teaching yoga--I'm finding that I feel pretty comfortable doing small, familiar "chunks"--10-15 minutes.  And I finally got my son to agree to let me teach him a YogaChunk--I think the hour/hour and a half was just too intimidating for him.  I realized that I couldn't take anything for granted--instructions I thought were clear weren't.  Next time I'll do more demos--I think that will help.  I may have my first opportunity to teach an entire class in a few months; still quite intimidating to think about developing and going through 1 1/2 hours of material.  Wish I could ease my performance anxiety--it pervades everything I like to do--starting with music.  I've started playing the piano every day; it feels good, but brings back memories of how I just couldn't stick with it as the pieces got harder.  I would get frustrated with my slow pace of learning, and got very nervous when I had to give a recital--got worse as I got older. So now my goal is to enjoy playing, without thinking about performing.  But music is funny, as compared with the visual arts, for example--I have nothing to show for my work unless I perform.  I can't hold it up for people to look at, or display it on a wall.

First Audition..

I had my first voice acting audition this weekend--I was very excited!   Everything's much different than what I learned in the (very pricey) training.  Not the content, but the format.  I'm not sure anyone goes to studios anymore--I was asked on Friday if I could submit an mp3 audition file by Monday.  I said sure--not having done this before.  I had downloaded Audacity a few months ago and tested it out, but I don't know how to use it very well.  I also discovered that Audacity doesn't convert to mp3; I had to download something else to do that.  Anyway, I figured out how to save and send, and planned to practice and record several times over the weekend.  But a lot intervened--I had one of my intensive yoga weekends, for my yoga teacher training program, this one with Baxter Bell.  So I was busy Friday night as well as Saturday and Sunday afternoons.  And of course it was Super Bowl Sunday, and I promised my family I would make chili and cornbread.  So as soon as I got home from yoga on Sunday I put on an apron and started to cook.  Plus:  our electricity went out Saturday morning, during the time I planned to do some of the recording.  (I realize now I could have used my laptop with battery, but guess I wasn't thinking.)  And then when I got home from yoga Saturday evening, we had what appeared to be a gas leak in our house, so I made everyone leave (cat and dog included, who had to be taken is separate cars since they don't get along--OK, the dog would like to kill the cat).  I was worn out by the time the fire department and gas company left--one has to be in good voice to audition.  And Sunday morning is choir, so I didn't have time then.

But I did rehearse, and I did a couple of takes--and sent one to myself to make sure I knew how to send an mp3 file.  Early Monday morning I did a few more takes, and picked the one I thought was best to send in. I decided there's such a thing as reading copy too many times.

Bottom line is, I enjoyed reading the script, and trying to make it interesting without overdoing it.  I'm just not sure about my voice quality--not sure what people will think of it.

I haven't heard anything, including no acknowledgement of file receipt.  But that seems to be par for the course with the agency with which I'm dealing.  I hope I get other opportunities to audition--I really did enjoy it.  And I felt good starting to learn how to use recording software (Audacity) and convert to mp3 files.  And I think my family got the message--don't mess around if you smell gas--get out of the house!